I recently asked some people to pray for me. I had been struggling to trust God as I wait on Him to move in a certain area in my life(...still am...). I asked them to pray for me that I would learn to be patient. The response unsettled me:
--"Honey, don't say that. You know what happens when you ask God for patience." (i.e. your life gets really hard)
--"Ask God for anything, just don't ask Him for patience."
Being the middle-child, questioning, ex-homeschooler (please, there is no such thing as an ex-homeschooler) that I am I pushed further, "But I need it (patience) [I need God to change me in this way, no matter what it costs]."
The responses came back very similarly:
--"God will give you enough challenges, you don't need to go asking for more."
--"I made the mistake of asking God for patience once, I will never do it again."
*these things were said with love and the best of intentions, and I do not resent or look down on the people who gave me this advice. I just want to unpack the mindset behind what was said. I tend to think the same way, but because of recent things the Lord has been teaching me, I wanted to share some thoughts*
I later vented to my husband (he is so patient with me and never accuses me of yelling at him, which sometimes I essentially AM doing when I vent, even though I am not angry at HIM). I asked, "If my life gets hard after I pray for patience, does that make God any less loving? Any less in control? If Elijah watches me throughout his life check the semantics of my prayers (because, let's face it, that's essentially what I would be doing if I inserted a word such as peace or perseverance), what am I really teaching him about God? - that He is vindictive and ready to strike if I "slip up" and use a word that will "allow" Him to bring trouble on my life? That is not the God of the Bible! "He does not treat us as our sins (or semantics) deserve" says Psalm 103. Do I really believe that I can manipulate the intentions and interventions of my God in this way? Am I so afraid that I will not have a happy, carefree, healthy, wealthy life (as promised by no one, ever, anywhere in the Bible)that I will ask only for the things that I think will satisfy my cravings and not my need to be more like Christ? If I have to suffer in order to learn patience, so be it! My God knows and loves me well enough to know what I need and how I need it. Can't I trust Him in that?
I realized that if I want the American dream, I will ask God for things that make me happy. If I want Jesus, I will ask God to make me more like Him - even if it hurts.
As I study the Gospels, one of the main things that has hit me about Jesus on earth is that He lived a really UNcomfortable life while being 100% obedient to God. Sometimes in America we can get that principle a little backwards - if we obey God, then He will reward us with STUFF. Maybe we're not all expecting material possessions, but don't we tend to think that if we follow God and what His Word says, then people will respect us, we will move up the corporate ladder because of our blameless work ethic and upstanding moral principles, and we will live long and healthy lives because of it? There is a popular religious trend in our country today that hinges on the idea that if you are being a good Christian, you will be rich and healthy. I am not going to name names and point fingers on this blog, but if you hear anything like that in a church or on TV, please run away as fast as you can. It is completely contrary to Scripture and is therefore a false gospel.
Maybe we are forgetting that the world is not friendly toward God's Word, so if we are living in accordance with it, shouldn't we expect to butt heads with the world more often than we befriend it? And maybe we are forgetting that Jesus did not treasure earthly wealth or status, but operated in God's economy of riches and was still monetarily poor all his life. A lot of people looked down on him from the day he was born, because He was born out of wedlock. He did not own a house. He did not have a life insurance policy. Whatever He did, there was a gang of religious leaders - the respected church leaders of the day - who were seeking to find some way to convict Him of heresy so they could kill Him because He claimed to be the Messiah they said they were "looking for." He died at the age of 33 - while men were mocking His true purpose and spitting on the love of God that He came to show.
My friends, Jesus' life was not long, healthy, wealthy, or wise. But He glorified His Father in obedience for the entirety of those 33 years.
I'm not saying that I am going to go sell everything I have, try to make myself un-liked and ridiculed by people who don't know Jesus, and put a stupid, fake smile on my face when my life is in shambles in the name of "being like Jesus." What I am saying is that I am challenged through Christ's example to make knowing and treasuring Jesus the highest aim of my life. If I treasure Jesus' example and His words as I know them better, my life is in proper perspective. My priorities are in line. I am not afraid. I can ask Him boldly for the things I need - even "scary" things, like patience - because I know that His heart is for me and He will not give me what I cannot hold up under by His strength. If I need to endure some challenges in my life to learn patience, so be it. This life is not about me and my comforts; it is about Jesus and His glory.
So, I am praying for patience - because I am impatient and do not trust God to provide for my needs and tend to my heart like I should and like He always, always does. I need to rest in His strength, and if it takes a difficult situation to get me there, I trust that He knows that is what I need. Sometimes I withhold things from my son because they will hurt him (think knives, fire, scalding surfaces, ledges, etc)and he has no concept of danger, so....he wails his little head off. It breaks my heart but it doesn't weaken my resolve to protect him from things that hurt him. If I love my son and I am imperfect, how much more perfectly and more often must my Father do this same thing for me? I am far from there, but I am learning that there is much more joy and purpose in building Jesus' kingdom than in building my own.
What about you? How have you been learning more about how to treasure Jesus?
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Children: A Blessing from the Lord
I had the most troubling conversation with the clerk at the grocery store today. I was out for coffee with a friend and stopped to pick up some diapers on the way home (I'll give it to him, I had the "mommy" stamp automatically, due to my purchase. But I wear it with pride. AND I was also wearing makeup, so...bam.) Anyway, the conversation went like this:
Clerk: "Hello how are you today?"
Me: "I am great, how are you?"
Clerk: (looks at my purchase) "I'm great; I don't have to change any diapers today."
Me: (flabbergasted, but trying to maintain composure) "Well, I'm telling you, they're worth it."
Clerk: (skeptically) "Reallllly?"
Me: "Ab-so-lu-tely."
Clerk: "You said that kind of slowly - reluctantly." (chuckles)
Reluctantly? How about emphatically? I left the grocery store venting to my poor friend about the rudeness of this person and how our whole society is going to suffer and is already suffering because we don't value children.....I was a little worked up. But later as I thought about it, I realized my shock was valid although my initial response was a little over-done. :)
I don't want to get preachy, but I was so heartbroken by this exchange. But maybe it will make you stop think as I did. Is this really how some people in my generation view children? - as a nuisance, a chore, a bother?
There are a host of issues that stem from a distain for the blessing of children, which I will not cover here. I think the thing that hit me the most was sadness for this man who, if he continues to love his "freedom" from changing diapers enough to never become a father, will never know the joy of raising children.
I'm not pretending that motherhood is a dream of snuggling, nursing, a perfect house and a perfectly sane mama. Please. I have a 15-month old who climbs bookshelves and eats garbage and drinks toilet water whenever he gets the chance. My life is cray-cray. But it's beautiful at the same time, and points me inevitably to Jesus. The moments when my son brings me a book, plops down in my lap, and breaths a huge sigh of relief as I read to him reminds me how I can always find rest and total acceptance in my Father's lap. When he is hurt, scared, or tired and comes running to my arms, knowing that I will hold him, reminds me that my Father is not begrudging but eager. When he chooses not to listen to me, I feel some of the pain my Father feels when I don't do what he says. This beautiful, sanctifying journey of parenthood is not something I would wish for anyone to miss.
I am not saying that you must have children to be happy or to know God deeply. To my friends who are still awaiting this blessing: I long and weep and pray for you. I yearn to feel how you feel. Your love for your unborn - no, your not-yet-existing - children is beautiful and precious to God.
Let's all stop and check our hearts on how we look at children in our day and age. Even if we don't have children of our own, do we see them as a nuisance? Style-crampers? "Cute....but too much work for me!" ? According to Psalm 127:3a "Behold, children are an inheritance [a gift] from the Lord."
If you don't have children yet, enjoy this time in your life! You can sleep in on the weekends, take spontaneous trips, enjoy a glass of wine whenever you feel like it, eat hot meals 24/7, 3 times a day! But please look forward to your future children with joy. They bring more joy to life than I would have ever dreamed. And please don't pity those of us moms who do not have those things; we would not trade our kids for all the hot meals and wake-less nights in the world. And we're not just saying that to look like we have it all together (we know we don't). There are hard days and I go to the grocery store for nothing but diapers and rotisserie chicken and I get tired of cold meals and I just want a nap....but that can never for a second stack up against the blessing of getting to participate in raising the next generation of restful, hopeful Christ-followers in a world of increasing unrest and hopelessness...OR the endless number of kisses (I have a boy....they are tackle-and-slobber on your face, whatev)that I am awarded each and every day, for no other reason than that I have been able to give birth to my own flesh and bone (no matter how much people ask me if I did anything to get him here, because he looks just like his dad. Yes. Yes I did. For 40 hours. Anyway...)
If you are reading this and you are a mother, be encouraged. You hold one of the greatest secrets to real joy - obedience to Jesus! And in the form of raising your children to know the God of the Bible - what a privilege! Let's seek to maintain that mindset when we are struggling not to find our worth in the repetitive tasks of motherhood instead of in Jesus Christ, our Hope. And let's seek to speak that blessing over our children - that they are a blessing, a heritage, a reward, to us from God.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
Are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them."
Psalm 127:3-5a
Clerk: "Hello how are you today?"
Me: "I am great, how are you?"
Clerk: (looks at my purchase) "I'm great; I don't have to change any diapers today."
Me: (flabbergasted, but trying to maintain composure) "Well, I'm telling you, they're worth it."
Clerk: (skeptically) "Reallllly?"
Me: "Ab-so-lu-tely."
Clerk: "You said that kind of slowly - reluctantly." (chuckles)
Reluctantly? How about emphatically? I left the grocery store venting to my poor friend about the rudeness of this person and how our whole society is going to suffer and is already suffering because we don't value children.....I was a little worked up. But later as I thought about it, I realized my shock was valid although my initial response was a little over-done. :)
I don't want to get preachy, but I was so heartbroken by this exchange. But maybe it will make you stop think as I did. Is this really how some people in my generation view children? - as a nuisance, a chore, a bother?
There are a host of issues that stem from a distain for the blessing of children, which I will not cover here. I think the thing that hit me the most was sadness for this man who, if he continues to love his "freedom" from changing diapers enough to never become a father, will never know the joy of raising children.
I'm not pretending that motherhood is a dream of snuggling, nursing, a perfect house and a perfectly sane mama. Please. I have a 15-month old who climbs bookshelves and eats garbage and drinks toilet water whenever he gets the chance. My life is cray-cray. But it's beautiful at the same time, and points me inevitably to Jesus. The moments when my son brings me a book, plops down in my lap, and breaths a huge sigh of relief as I read to him reminds me how I can always find rest and total acceptance in my Father's lap. When he is hurt, scared, or tired and comes running to my arms, knowing that I will hold him, reminds me that my Father is not begrudging but eager. When he chooses not to listen to me, I feel some of the pain my Father feels when I don't do what he says. This beautiful, sanctifying journey of parenthood is not something I would wish for anyone to miss.
I am not saying that you must have children to be happy or to know God deeply. To my friends who are still awaiting this blessing: I long and weep and pray for you. I yearn to feel how you feel. Your love for your unborn - no, your not-yet-existing - children is beautiful and precious to God.
Let's all stop and check our hearts on how we look at children in our day and age. Even if we don't have children of our own, do we see them as a nuisance? Style-crampers? "Cute....but too much work for me!" ? According to Psalm 127:3a "Behold, children are an inheritance [a gift] from the Lord."
If you don't have children yet, enjoy this time in your life! You can sleep in on the weekends, take spontaneous trips, enjoy a glass of wine whenever you feel like it, eat hot meals 24/7, 3 times a day! But please look forward to your future children with joy. They bring more joy to life than I would have ever dreamed. And please don't pity those of us moms who do not have those things; we would not trade our kids for all the hot meals and wake-less nights in the world. And we're not just saying that to look like we have it all together (we know we don't). There are hard days and I go to the grocery store for nothing but diapers and rotisserie chicken and I get tired of cold meals and I just want a nap....but that can never for a second stack up against the blessing of getting to participate in raising the next generation of restful, hopeful Christ-followers in a world of increasing unrest and hopelessness...OR the endless number of kisses (I have a boy....they are tackle-and-slobber on your face, whatev)that I am awarded each and every day, for no other reason than that I have been able to give birth to my own flesh and bone (no matter how much people ask me if I did anything to get him here, because he looks just like his dad. Yes. Yes I did. For 40 hours. Anyway...)
If you are reading this and you are a mother, be encouraged. You hold one of the greatest secrets to real joy - obedience to Jesus! And in the form of raising your children to know the God of the Bible - what a privilege! Let's seek to maintain that mindset when we are struggling not to find our worth in the repetitive tasks of motherhood instead of in Jesus Christ, our Hope. And let's seek to speak that blessing over our children - that they are a blessing, a heritage, a reward, to us from God.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
Are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them."
Psalm 127:3-5a
Monday, August 26, 2013
How to Clip Baby's Nails in 35 Easy (!?!?!?) Steps
1. Position baby comfortably on the floor on his back with a toy to distract him.
2. Roll baby back over.
3. Start with toenails. Try giving baby a different object.
4. Clip 1/3 of one nail. Stop to
5. Roll baby back over.(lest the sudden motion cause you to snip his fingertip off)
6. Finish first nail.
7. Roll baby back over.
8. Offer a different object for distraction.
9. Repeat above pattern as many times as necessary (preferably before you extract all your own hair and eyelashes in frustration)
10. Consent to clipping nails while baby plays on tummy. Be prepared to pull baby back to you by his legs when he starts to crawl off.
11. Start on fingernails.
12. If necessary, resort to handing baby a strange baby care item of interest, i.e. a suction bulb (fondly referred to as a "booger sucker" at our house)
13. Reposition baby in favorite hold (i.e. Next to a big window with baby's legs straddling your waist and baby hanging upside down off your lap)
14. Catch baby as he pushes off your stomach and plummets head-first toward floor.
15. Recover from mini-stroke.
16. Finish first hand, start on second as baby stands while holding onto sliding glass door with other hand).
17. Watch - helplessly - as baby falls, knocking his face on the door on the way down.
18. Consider starting blood pressure medicine before baby starts walking.
19. Continue clipping, making up silly songs that have repeat baby's favorite word (Dada) often.
20. Reposition baby sitting on the floor, facing outward, between your legs. Hand him the booger-sucker.
21. Finish 10th fingernail (an average of 45 minutes from start of this endeavor).
22. Throw baby in the air to celebrate.
23. Catch baby, so as not to ruin the moment.
24. Remember you left groceries in the car before any of the above took place.
25. Take baby to the car to get groceries (so he doesn't eat & choke on fingernail pieces while you're gone).
26. On the way, mentally list steps of baby nail-cutting for numerous blog post.
27. Bring in groceries and baby, put baby on the floor to search grocery bags for treasures.
28. Begin writing down list for humorous blog post. Snicker to self, feeling clever.
29. Waken from self-absorbed reverie by a toilet lid slam.
30. Gasp. Run to bathroom.
31. Discover that baby has picked the plunger as his current toy of choice.
32. Gag.
33. Wash baby.
34. Finish list, feeling humbled and keeping an eye on baby.
35. Remember that the floor is still covered in baby fingernail and toenail pieces.
2. Roll baby back over.
3. Start with toenails. Try giving baby a different object.
4. Clip 1/3 of one nail. Stop to
5. Roll baby back over.(lest the sudden motion cause you to snip his fingertip off)
6. Finish first nail.
7. Roll baby back over.
8. Offer a different object for distraction.
9. Repeat above pattern as many times as necessary (preferably before you extract all your own hair and eyelashes in frustration)
10. Consent to clipping nails while baby plays on tummy. Be prepared to pull baby back to you by his legs when he starts to crawl off.
11. Start on fingernails.
12. If necessary, resort to handing baby a strange baby care item of interest, i.e. a suction bulb (fondly referred to as a "booger sucker" at our house)
13. Reposition baby in favorite hold (i.e. Next to a big window with baby's legs straddling your waist and baby hanging upside down off your lap)
14. Catch baby as he pushes off your stomach and plummets head-first toward floor.
15. Recover from mini-stroke.
16. Finish first hand, start on second as baby stands while holding onto sliding glass door with other hand).
17. Watch - helplessly - as baby falls, knocking his face on the door on the way down.
18. Consider starting blood pressure medicine before baby starts walking.
19. Continue clipping, making up silly songs that have repeat baby's favorite word (Dada) often.
20. Reposition baby sitting on the floor, facing outward, between your legs. Hand him the booger-sucker.
21. Finish 10th fingernail (an average of 45 minutes from start of this endeavor).
22. Throw baby in the air to celebrate.
23. Catch baby, so as not to ruin the moment.
24. Remember you left groceries in the car before any of the above took place.
25. Take baby to the car to get groceries (so he doesn't eat & choke on fingernail pieces while you're gone).
26. On the way, mentally list steps of baby nail-cutting for numerous blog post.
27. Bring in groceries and baby, put baby on the floor to search grocery bags for treasures.
28. Begin writing down list for humorous blog post. Snicker to self, feeling clever.
29. Waken from self-absorbed reverie by a toilet lid slam.
30. Gasp. Run to bathroom.
31. Discover that baby has picked the plunger as his current toy of choice.
32. Gag.
33. Wash baby.
34. Finish list, feeling humbled and keeping an eye on baby.
35. Remember that the floor is still covered in baby fingernail and toenail pieces.
Friday, July 26, 2013
*Although this post includes a lesson I learned while nursing my son, it is by no means graphic. :-) It is also an opinion, experience-based post, not a "how-to" or "you should too." Please read, guilt-free, whoever you are.*
I always planned on nursing Elijah, from the time I found out he was coming. All the research points to health benefits of breastmilk, I didn't want to buy formula, and I certainly didn't want to suffer the disapproval of nursing gung-ho mamas.(note: this last reason is a very poor reason to breastfeed. If you are currently on the fence about it, save yourself a headache or two and don't let others opinions be a factor) To be honest, I am gung-ho about nursing myself, but I also appreciate that not everyone has the opportunity or the desire to nurse for months on end, or to nurse at all and I completely respect that. But I recently had a revelation while nursing my sweet (almost) 9-month-old this past week, and wanted to share. It's getting harder and harder to ignore the urge to write these days...my wonderful husband has been prodding and encouraging and I think it has been rubbing off...But anyway...
I guess this started with me realizing that my time spent reading the word and in focused prayer has been a little scattered. I lobby for routines for my baby because it helps him to feel established and know what's coming next and feel safe -- this has been a a good thing for our family and especially for E! -- but I had failed to establish routines for myself. I started doing some inventory and realized that I have this precious time called naptime (hallelujah praise Jesus that babies nap!!!!) and E's morning nap is a perfect time for me to have my quiet time. Because guess what? He takes a nap.every.single.morning. And if he doesn't have his nap he is a perfect little BEAR (and rightfully so). And guess what else? Without my time with Jesus I am a whole lot worse than a bear. So I started getting in to MY naptime routine. Put baby to bed, wait until I know for sure he is asleep, then take the coffee and the Word and the journal out on the porch and....
FEAST.
It has been glorious.
I feel like I am drinking in the Word. Words of life? Yes, they are. I am not usually having intense revelations of truth or huge theological breakthroughs but I bask in God's presence. And I am restored there. Journaling is so huge for me. It is a chance to expel my "emotional vomit" (yes, I am a woman, that is a thing and I have it) and maybe spare some unnecessary words from my poor husband when he gets home. :-) Aaaaaand writing is such an addiction for me, so I suppose that may be why I have started blogging again, too.
But last week I had been convicted about my tongue while reading James 2 (I can never get past that passage. Yikes, I am such a firecracker sometimes), felt refreshed and ready to go. I was thanking God for the addiction of his Word - once you taste a little bit you can't get enough...
"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good..." Psalm 34:8a
Shortly after this, my sweet Elijah woke up from his nap. Rested and still a bit groggy, he smiled when I came into his room. He sat in the middle of his crib fingering his blanky absentmindedly as he beamed up at me with his sweet angel smile. As I came closer, he batted his long dark lashes at me and waved at me with his irresistible backwards wave and cooed happily. He reached up for me as I reached for him, his blanky a thing of the past. I snuggled him close and we chatted happily about his nap time and how he had slept as he briefly laid his head on my chest, then pulled away to stare sweetly in my face, then looked around the room. The busy man was waking, ready for another cycle of food and then fierce play (he doesn't mess around, my little beastling.
(*disclaimer: this is a routine, thrice-a-day happening at our house and it is THE.BEST. My job may be thankless and wearisome at times, but these special moments are what redeems all the cleaning up of pee and poop and spit-up and smashed bananas and also what make it seriously the best in the entire world*)
We walked into the living room. I checked the clock. 4 hours since his last feeding. He knew it, too. My son can tell time by his tummy. (can't we all?) We sat down on the couch, and he knew what time it was. He kicked his little feet in anticipation. The longer it took (though honestly it was about 5 seconds from sit to latch) the more antsy he got. His eyes got wider. He cooed excitedly. He leaned forward.
I offered. He accepted. (see, I told you this was NOT graphic)
As Elijah took in gulp after gulp of milk, he visibly relaxed. I saw the satisfaction on his face. I saw the contentment in his eyes as he was nourished in a place of safety and rest.
God spoke to me while I watched my baby nurse, something I have done AT LEAST 4 times a day, every single day, for the past 9 months. In that moment I instantly identified with my sweet baby who had found the craving of his tummy to be not only satisfactory but something that offered him rest and peace. There's nothing more peaceful than a baby nursing with his mama....even a wild and crazy, busy bee, crawling, pulling-up, refrigerator-shelf-climbing, power-cord-eating, loud, all-out baby (not mine, of course...) will stop for 10 minutes (15 if I'm lucky) to receive nourishment and rest during his very busy and all-important business of play. And I am the same.
I'll share a little excerpt from my journal later that day...
"I feel like Elijah when he is very hungry and I bring him to my breast to nurse. He lunges forward in eager anticipation, his mouth open wide to be filled with the milk I have to give freely - not conditionally, not grudgingly, not with anger in my heart. And when that sweet boy latches, God, his whole body tells me that he has found what he was seeking and was not disappointed. His eyes roll back into his head in peaceful satisfaction. His hands wave around in pleasure. He grunts contentedly. He sucks with a vigor that shows his hunger, but not with the intensity of one not knowing from where his next meal will come. He knows I will be there next time his tummy is hungry.
Thank you for being there for me when I need you - and even more perfectly and more willingly than I am for Elijah."
I would never deny Elijah milk in his hunger, and He knows that. He knows that I give without resentment ("What? You're hungry again? Why are you back so soon?") or inconvenience ("Well, it's not a good time for me. What about tomorrow?") or conditionally ("Well, you haven't really done enough for me today, so why should I give you what you need?"). That is psychotic. That is bad parenting.
As sad as that is, I often view God as that bad parent. I sometimes neglect time with Him because I am ashamed of the things I have done wrong and feel that I need to make myself better before I pray. In reality, God tells me in his word that I am welcome as I am and not just that but I can't clean myself up enough to make him love me. He just does. Just as I love Elijah without condition or pretense, so does God with me:
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust" Psalm 103:13, 14
That just makes me want to come to Him with an eagerness to be filled. He gives in love, out of the generosity of his kind heart, the truth of his Word that brings comfort and rest and peace and hope. And He gives himself. That makes me want to follow his command in Psalm 81:10 to the people of Israel. A command that comes with a promise, a beautiful, comforting promise:
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."
'Open wide' is not a very hard thing to do. A baby can does it instinctively, only seconds after exiting the mother's body. Or is it hard? To come to God 'with my mouth open wide' to be filled by Him, I need to be more like my humble, trusting, hungry baby.
I always planned on nursing Elijah, from the time I found out he was coming. All the research points to health benefits of breastmilk, I didn't want to buy formula, and I certainly didn't want to suffer the disapproval of nursing gung-ho mamas.(note: this last reason is a very poor reason to breastfeed. If you are currently on the fence about it, save yourself a headache or two and don't let others opinions be a factor) To be honest, I am gung-ho about nursing myself, but I also appreciate that not everyone has the opportunity or the desire to nurse for months on end, or to nurse at all and I completely respect that. But I recently had a revelation while nursing my sweet (almost) 9-month-old this past week, and wanted to share. It's getting harder and harder to ignore the urge to write these days...my wonderful husband has been prodding and encouraging and I think it has been rubbing off...But anyway...
I guess this started with me realizing that my time spent reading the word and in focused prayer has been a little scattered. I lobby for routines for my baby because it helps him to feel established and know what's coming next and feel safe -- this has been a a good thing for our family and especially for E! -- but I had failed to establish routines for myself. I started doing some inventory and realized that I have this precious time called naptime (hallelujah praise Jesus that babies nap!!!!) and E's morning nap is a perfect time for me to have my quiet time. Because guess what? He takes a nap.every.single.morning. And if he doesn't have his nap he is a perfect little BEAR (and rightfully so). And guess what else? Without my time with Jesus I am a whole lot worse than a bear. So I started getting in to MY naptime routine. Put baby to bed, wait until I know for sure he is asleep, then take the coffee and the Word and the journal out on the porch and....
FEAST.
It has been glorious.
I feel like I am drinking in the Word. Words of life? Yes, they are. I am not usually having intense revelations of truth or huge theological breakthroughs but I bask in God's presence. And I am restored there. Journaling is so huge for me. It is a chance to expel my "emotional vomit" (yes, I am a woman, that is a thing and I have it) and maybe spare some unnecessary words from my poor husband when he gets home. :-) Aaaaaand writing is such an addiction for me, so I suppose that may be why I have started blogging again, too.
But last week I had been convicted about my tongue while reading James 2 (I can never get past that passage. Yikes, I am such a firecracker sometimes), felt refreshed and ready to go. I was thanking God for the addiction of his Word - once you taste a little bit you can't get enough...
"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good..." Psalm 34:8a
Shortly after this, my sweet Elijah woke up from his nap. Rested and still a bit groggy, he smiled when I came into his room. He sat in the middle of his crib fingering his blanky absentmindedly as he beamed up at me with his sweet angel smile. As I came closer, he batted his long dark lashes at me and waved at me with his irresistible backwards wave and cooed happily. He reached up for me as I reached for him, his blanky a thing of the past. I snuggled him close and we chatted happily about his nap time and how he had slept as he briefly laid his head on my chest, then pulled away to stare sweetly in my face, then looked around the room. The busy man was waking, ready for another cycle of food and then fierce play (he doesn't mess around, my little beastling.
(*disclaimer: this is a routine, thrice-a-day happening at our house and it is THE.BEST. My job may be thankless and wearisome at times, but these special moments are what redeems all the cleaning up of pee and poop and spit-up and smashed bananas and also what make it seriously the best in the entire world*)
We walked into the living room. I checked the clock. 4 hours since his last feeding. He knew it, too. My son can tell time by his tummy. (can't we all?) We sat down on the couch, and he knew what time it was. He kicked his little feet in anticipation. The longer it took (though honestly it was about 5 seconds from sit to latch) the more antsy he got. His eyes got wider. He cooed excitedly. He leaned forward.
I offered. He accepted. (see, I told you this was NOT graphic)
As Elijah took in gulp after gulp of milk, he visibly relaxed. I saw the satisfaction on his face. I saw the contentment in his eyes as he was nourished in a place of safety and rest.
God spoke to me while I watched my baby nurse, something I have done AT LEAST 4 times a day, every single day, for the past 9 months. In that moment I instantly identified with my sweet baby who had found the craving of his tummy to be not only satisfactory but something that offered him rest and peace. There's nothing more peaceful than a baby nursing with his mama....even a wild and crazy, busy bee, crawling, pulling-up, refrigerator-shelf-climbing, power-cord-eating, loud, all-out baby (not mine, of course...) will stop for 10 minutes (15 if I'm lucky) to receive nourishment and rest during his very busy and all-important business of play. And I am the same.
I'll share a little excerpt from my journal later that day...
"I feel like Elijah when he is very hungry and I bring him to my breast to nurse. He lunges forward in eager anticipation, his mouth open wide to be filled with the milk I have to give freely - not conditionally, not grudgingly, not with anger in my heart. And when that sweet boy latches, God, his whole body tells me that he has found what he was seeking and was not disappointed. His eyes roll back into his head in peaceful satisfaction. His hands wave around in pleasure. He grunts contentedly. He sucks with a vigor that shows his hunger, but not with the intensity of one not knowing from where his next meal will come. He knows I will be there next time his tummy is hungry.
Thank you for being there for me when I need you - and even more perfectly and more willingly than I am for Elijah."
I would never deny Elijah milk in his hunger, and He knows that. He knows that I give without resentment ("What? You're hungry again? Why are you back so soon?") or inconvenience ("Well, it's not a good time for me. What about tomorrow?") or conditionally ("Well, you haven't really done enough for me today, so why should I give you what you need?"). That is psychotic. That is bad parenting.
As sad as that is, I often view God as that bad parent. I sometimes neglect time with Him because I am ashamed of the things I have done wrong and feel that I need to make myself better before I pray. In reality, God tells me in his word that I am welcome as I am and not just that but I can't clean myself up enough to make him love me. He just does. Just as I love Elijah without condition or pretense, so does God with me:
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust" Psalm 103:13, 14
That just makes me want to come to Him with an eagerness to be filled. He gives in love, out of the generosity of his kind heart, the truth of his Word that brings comfort and rest and peace and hope. And He gives himself. That makes me want to follow his command in Psalm 81:10 to the people of Israel. A command that comes with a promise, a beautiful, comforting promise:
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."
'Open wide' is not a very hard thing to do. A baby can does it instinctively, only seconds after exiting the mother's body. Or is it hard? To come to God 'with my mouth open wide' to be filled by Him, I need to be more like my humble, trusting, hungry baby.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Lessons in Broken Glass
I told myself when I became a mom that I would not become a "mommy blogger." I love to read mommy blogs....sometimes (other times I come away wondering why I can't be organized enough to plan my family's meals 30 days in advance and make eco-friendly laundry detergent that won't give my family all kinds of unspeakable diseases or travel across the world 13 days after giving birth. Guilt, guilt, guilt. The lesson here: read mommy blogs carefully). But I also haven't been writing lately, and my loving husband reminds me that I need to do that. We had a conversation about it this morning:
Ben (to Elijah): "Mommy is a songwriter."
Me: "I used to be."
Ben: (such a patient encourager) "She still could be. We talked about that, Honey. It's been a long time. Imagine if you were writing music NOW."
Me: (self-loathing...I'm working on this) "They would still be bad songs."
Ben: "Oh....right. Ok."
Elijah: "Ooooo, blahma?" (looks at us like we are clinically insane)
So for some reason over the past two years since I wrote my last blog post (really?) I have embraced the idea that I'm not really a good writer, of anything. Although that is neither here nor there at this point, I am writing again because a recent situation demanded it. It was one of those happenings that was laced with parallels to my life and my heart that lays deaf to truth sometimes. I guess this time it took a whole lot of broken glass to make me realize it.
I'm a mess-maker. The other week my mom and I were swapping epic mess stories on the phone, trying to beat each other out for the craziest messes we've ever cleaned up: broken glass pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge, exploded casserole dish that had been set on a hot stove eye, entire pitcher of spilled red coolaid on the kitchen floor...the list went on and on. She took the prize with an entire crockpot full of chili spilled in the car. Twice. But she's got 26 years on me. It took about 23 years for me to admit without shame that I can clumsy, but it's just a fact of my life and I'm no longer ashamed of it. I spend a lot of time cleaning up after messes that I made myself. (This is not a good problem for a mommy to have, diapers and drool and spit-up and mashed banana are enough mess themselves). My husband's family nicknamed him "Messer Uh-Oh" from the time he was a baby and didn't stop calling him that UNTIL I JOINED THE FAMILY. You get the idea. I generally don't get upset when things spill and break, because I know first-hand how horrible it feels when you accidentally make a mess and someone gets irrationally upset at you (no, it was not my mom and dad. They have always been incredibly patient with their clumsy girl). I decided early on that I would not do this to my kids.
This time it was nobody's fault. There was a vase, a heavy red-frosted glass vase, on top of my fridge. (What crazy person puts glass on top of their fridge I wish I didn't know). It must have been inching toward the edge very gradually, because nobody knocked it, nobody opened the fridge door, it just fell. We were all in the kitchen: Ben, me, Elijah. When this vase fell it hit the granite countertop first. And smashed into a billion trillion pieces. Not kidding. My sweet baby was playing on the floor not 2 feet away from where this explosion occurred. There was glass on the floor all around him, big pieces a foot away from him, smaller pieces even closer and shards on the other side of him, clear into the living room. The miraculous part is that there was not A.SINGLE.PIECE. anywhere on my baby. Not on his skin, head, clothes, inside or onto of his prosthetic helmet that he wears, NOWHERE. It was like a shield went up around him when the vase broke. Don't believe in God? Don't believe in miracles? Fine with me, but this was unexplainable. I think that I'm so in control - I plan Elijah's playtimes, I plan his meals, he eats and sleeps on a (loosely interpreted) schedule, I know when he is hungry and tired and sick and sad...but when unexpected things like this happen, I remember: I am not in control. And that is such a good thing. If it had been up to me to protect E from that vase breaking, he would have been COVERED.IN.GLASS. Praise God for his mercy and his power that overrides our reason and logic and false sense of control. How many times has He saved us from other perils without our awareness?
So anyway, although I know now that Elijah was unharmed I did not know that 2 seconds after the crash, so I did what any sane mommy would do. I screamed "My baby!", scooped him up, and turned him upside-down and inside-out to check for the slightest scratch. Meanwhile, a nice little pool of blood was collecting on the floor from my foot where a vase piece had hit me, but we dealt with that later. Important thing was under control: Elijah was unscarred, physically. Psychologically he seemed a bit perplexed because he had never heard Mommy scream before. He kept looking at me with a bewildered look on his face, even as I took him in the shower to rinse off any glass dust. I reassured and cuddled and kissed, but it took a few minutes for the shock of it all to wear off for him (poor babies, what must be going through their heads when they witness these things, especially for the first time ever. Talk about sensory overload. We don't let our baby look at screens of any kind, but a few seconds of crashing, hysterical mommy, and getting turned upside down and scrutinized all over puts all that effort to not overstimulate their brains out the window).
It took us a good 3 hours of sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and washing to get the house to a point of satisfactory cleanliness. That term takes on a whole new meaning when you have an almost 8-month-old who is crawling on his BELLY all over your hours and putting his mouth on anything and everything he can find. While we cleaned, Elijah sat in the jumper in the doorway crying because HE WANTED TO GET DOWN AND PLAY (really!?) until an unfortunate incident in which the vacuum cleaner bag blew its contents all over the place where E was playing (I said we're good at making messes, right? Did I mention we're also good at making big messes BIGGER?) banished him to the pack-n-play. (Pack-n-plays to 8-month-old boys might as well be jail)
In the midst of all the consultation over what needed to be cleaned, what did you clean already, should we vacuum this area again because I carried through a load of laundry that may or may not have been exposed to glass dust but probably everything in this house was exposed to glass dust (oh, did I also mention that I am self-diagnosed OCD and my husband is a germophobe?), my sweet baby boy continued to weep because he wanted to crawl. On the floor. Where there were hazardous particles that would endanger him. But he couldn't see them. He doesn't yet know what glass IS. All he knew is that he wanted to get OUT.OF.BABY.JAIL. and Mommy and Daddy wouldn't help him. So he cried. He cried huge crocodile tears and gave us his most pitiful looks. It made me want to cry, and the harder he begged the worse I felt, but I was not about to let him have what he wanted. Why? Because I knew what he didn't know. I knew that giving him what he wanted was going to hurt him, not satisfy his needs or make him happy. As I stood there listening to Elijah beg for freedom and washing glass-coated cookware in the kitchen sink, I felt a strong nudge from my spirit - God prompting me to think about all the times I asked him for something that He did not give and I accused Him of being unloving, unfeeling, unaware of my needs. Was I not being just as foolish as my innocent little boy who only saw his desires and not the consequences of having those desires met? (Let me clarify before I go on, I expect nothing more of my baby than exactly what he did. He's not even 8 months old. He doesn't know any better. This is an object lesson, not a weird, twisted opinion essay on why babies shouldn't cry when they want things, because THEY SHOULD. Ok.). It also made me stop and think that maybe if God had allowed those things - that failed relationship, that missed opportunity, that job that never called me back, that ministry opportunity that was going to do such great things for my faith - I would have experienced unnecessary pain or temptation or encountered situations I was not prepared for.
I guess the big picture here is that God KNOWS THINGS that I don't and that is a good thing. If I knew not just the things I was headed for but also the things I was avoiding, my little heart would not be able to handle it. I would be a nervous wreck. "You mean that man that I just passed on the street was planning to assault me?!? But you stopped him, God?!? What??? Ok, breathe, it's ok." (you get the idea) The longer I parent the more I realize that deep inside I am JUST LIKE A BABY - naïve, completely dependent, unaware of so much that is going on around me, and 100% reliant on someone who is more powerful and stronger than me. Lucky for me my "stronger than me" is actually the Strongest there is, and Elijah will have to learn some day that his parents are just people and God is who he really needs. But I am so thankful for moments and situations that remind me that I am not safe, I am not secure, and neither is my family, unless I find that in God. I can't manipulate my circumstances to make sure that my child never ever gets hurt or injured or distressed (although I will do everything with my limited power and resources to do that) but we have a God who the psalmist describes as a Rock, a Shelter, a Fortress, a Hiding Place from the hard times. This is the God whom I serve. And this is the God I want to show to my son. Even if it takes a houseful of broken glass for me to see it.
Ben (to Elijah): "Mommy is a songwriter."
Me: "I used to be."
Ben: (such a patient encourager) "She still could be. We talked about that, Honey. It's been a long time. Imagine if you were writing music NOW."
Me: (self-loathing...I'm working on this) "They would still be bad songs."
Ben: "Oh....right. Ok."
Elijah: "Ooooo, blahma?" (looks at us like we are clinically insane)
So for some reason over the past two years since I wrote my last blog post (really?) I have embraced the idea that I'm not really a good writer, of anything. Although that is neither here nor there at this point, I am writing again because a recent situation demanded it. It was one of those happenings that was laced with parallels to my life and my heart that lays deaf to truth sometimes. I guess this time it took a whole lot of broken glass to make me realize it.
I'm a mess-maker. The other week my mom and I were swapping epic mess stories on the phone, trying to beat each other out for the craziest messes we've ever cleaned up: broken glass pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge, exploded casserole dish that had been set on a hot stove eye, entire pitcher of spilled red coolaid on the kitchen floor...the list went on and on. She took the prize with an entire crockpot full of chili spilled in the car. Twice. But she's got 26 years on me. It took about 23 years for me to admit without shame that I can clumsy, but it's just a fact of my life and I'm no longer ashamed of it. I spend a lot of time cleaning up after messes that I made myself. (This is not a good problem for a mommy to have, diapers and drool and spit-up and mashed banana are enough mess themselves). My husband's family nicknamed him "Messer Uh-Oh" from the time he was a baby and didn't stop calling him that UNTIL I JOINED THE FAMILY. You get the idea. I generally don't get upset when things spill and break, because I know first-hand how horrible it feels when you accidentally make a mess and someone gets irrationally upset at you (no, it was not my mom and dad. They have always been incredibly patient with their clumsy girl). I decided early on that I would not do this to my kids.
This time it was nobody's fault. There was a vase, a heavy red-frosted glass vase, on top of my fridge. (What crazy person puts glass on top of their fridge I wish I didn't know). It must have been inching toward the edge very gradually, because nobody knocked it, nobody opened the fridge door, it just fell. We were all in the kitchen: Ben, me, Elijah. When this vase fell it hit the granite countertop first. And smashed into a billion trillion pieces. Not kidding. My sweet baby was playing on the floor not 2 feet away from where this explosion occurred. There was glass on the floor all around him, big pieces a foot away from him, smaller pieces even closer and shards on the other side of him, clear into the living room. The miraculous part is that there was not A.SINGLE.PIECE. anywhere on my baby. Not on his skin, head, clothes, inside or onto of his prosthetic helmet that he wears, NOWHERE. It was like a shield went up around him when the vase broke. Don't believe in God? Don't believe in miracles? Fine with me, but this was unexplainable. I think that I'm so in control - I plan Elijah's playtimes, I plan his meals, he eats and sleeps on a (loosely interpreted) schedule, I know when he is hungry and tired and sick and sad...but when unexpected things like this happen, I remember: I am not in control. And that is such a good thing. If it had been up to me to protect E from that vase breaking, he would have been COVERED.IN.GLASS. Praise God for his mercy and his power that overrides our reason and logic and false sense of control. How many times has He saved us from other perils without our awareness?
So anyway, although I know now that Elijah was unharmed I did not know that 2 seconds after the crash, so I did what any sane mommy would do. I screamed "My baby!", scooped him up, and turned him upside-down and inside-out to check for the slightest scratch. Meanwhile, a nice little pool of blood was collecting on the floor from my foot where a vase piece had hit me, but we dealt with that later. Important thing was under control: Elijah was unscarred, physically. Psychologically he seemed a bit perplexed because he had never heard Mommy scream before. He kept looking at me with a bewildered look on his face, even as I took him in the shower to rinse off any glass dust. I reassured and cuddled and kissed, but it took a few minutes for the shock of it all to wear off for him (poor babies, what must be going through their heads when they witness these things, especially for the first time ever. Talk about sensory overload. We don't let our baby look at screens of any kind, but a few seconds of crashing, hysterical mommy, and getting turned upside down and scrutinized all over puts all that effort to not overstimulate their brains out the window).
It took us a good 3 hours of sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and washing to get the house to a point of satisfactory cleanliness. That term takes on a whole new meaning when you have an almost 8-month-old who is crawling on his BELLY all over your hours and putting his mouth on anything and everything he can find. While we cleaned, Elijah sat in the jumper in the doorway crying because HE WANTED TO GET DOWN AND PLAY (really!?) until an unfortunate incident in which the vacuum cleaner bag blew its contents all over the place where E was playing (I said we're good at making messes, right? Did I mention we're also good at making big messes BIGGER?) banished him to the pack-n-play. (Pack-n-plays to 8-month-old boys might as well be jail)
In the midst of all the consultation over what needed to be cleaned, what did you clean already, should we vacuum this area again because I carried through a load of laundry that may or may not have been exposed to glass dust but probably everything in this house was exposed to glass dust (oh, did I also mention that I am self-diagnosed OCD and my husband is a germophobe?), my sweet baby boy continued to weep because he wanted to crawl. On the floor. Where there were hazardous particles that would endanger him. But he couldn't see them. He doesn't yet know what glass IS. All he knew is that he wanted to get OUT.OF.BABY.JAIL. and Mommy and Daddy wouldn't help him. So he cried. He cried huge crocodile tears and gave us his most pitiful looks. It made me want to cry, and the harder he begged the worse I felt, but I was not about to let him have what he wanted. Why? Because I knew what he didn't know. I knew that giving him what he wanted was going to hurt him, not satisfy his needs or make him happy. As I stood there listening to Elijah beg for freedom and washing glass-coated cookware in the kitchen sink, I felt a strong nudge from my spirit - God prompting me to think about all the times I asked him for something that He did not give and I accused Him of being unloving, unfeeling, unaware of my needs. Was I not being just as foolish as my innocent little boy who only saw his desires and not the consequences of having those desires met? (Let me clarify before I go on, I expect nothing more of my baby than exactly what he did. He's not even 8 months old. He doesn't know any better. This is an object lesson, not a weird, twisted opinion essay on why babies shouldn't cry when they want things, because THEY SHOULD. Ok.). It also made me stop and think that maybe if God had allowed those things - that failed relationship, that missed opportunity, that job that never called me back, that ministry opportunity that was going to do such great things for my faith - I would have experienced unnecessary pain or temptation or encountered situations I was not prepared for.
I guess the big picture here is that God KNOWS THINGS that I don't and that is a good thing. If I knew not just the things I was headed for but also the things I was avoiding, my little heart would not be able to handle it. I would be a nervous wreck. "You mean that man that I just passed on the street was planning to assault me?!? But you stopped him, God?!? What??? Ok, breathe, it's ok." (you get the idea) The longer I parent the more I realize that deep inside I am JUST LIKE A BABY - naïve, completely dependent, unaware of so much that is going on around me, and 100% reliant on someone who is more powerful and stronger than me. Lucky for me my "stronger than me" is actually the Strongest there is, and Elijah will have to learn some day that his parents are just people and God is who he really needs. But I am so thankful for moments and situations that remind me that I am not safe, I am not secure, and neither is my family, unless I find that in God. I can't manipulate my circumstances to make sure that my child never ever gets hurt or injured or distressed (although I will do everything with my limited power and resources to do that) but we have a God who the psalmist describes as a Rock, a Shelter, a Fortress, a Hiding Place from the hard times. This is the God whom I serve. And this is the God I want to show to my son. Even if it takes a houseful of broken glass for me to see it.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Thankful for the love of others
Sarah and I are so thankful for the wonderful support of our church, Truth Point Church, as we prepare to deliver our first baby, Elijah. Their wisdom, encouragement, and generosity about having children has been so incredible and they are a wonderful support net for us.
Today, many ladies from the church gathered together to throw a shower for my wife, and my awesome mother-in-law and sister-in-law also came to put their love into the mix. The ideas for the shower activities were so thoughtful and made us feel so special (I got this feeling second hand when Sarah told/showed me all about it). The prayer tree they did is so cool! All the ladies in attendance wrote a prayer for Elijah and hung it on little tree - so neat! One person wrote: "I pray that you will come to grasp and understand the love of our Lord Jesus Christ." This is our hope for Elijah as well. How cool it is to know that prayers like this are going up for our son.
And the gifts were incredibly generous- Sarah showed me each one and we are so thankful! We got a plethora of baby wipes, genius musical toys (you know a band director would like those), touching books, and even a deluxe (yes, deluxe) bouncer chair thing.
Last night, Elijah's Mimi (my mother-in-law) presented us with a recorded bedtime prayers book- like, she and my father-in-law recorded the audio to the book, and it plays when you turn each page- so cool!! Through this book, maybe Elijah will understand just a little bit more the love of God and the presence of God.
I know many of you can relate- it is such a blessing to receive love from others. And on top of that: to know that our son is surrounded by loving folks like these...it's pure joy.
Elijah's name means, "The Lord is my God." We named him this with the hope that his name will serve as a reminder for him: that the false gods this world offers are not true and that trying to make other things God in our life will only hurt us. Only the God of the Bible can give peace, joy, salvation, and true love.
Heavenly Father, thank you for our brothers and sisters in Christ who so encourage us, and thank you that you are looking on our precious son, even now. We ask that you would save Elijah through your Son, Jesus. Give him the grace to trust you in all things and do your Word. Thank you for reminding us through having children that we, like them, are helpless and in need of you. In the name of Christ the Lord, who is God, Amen.
Today, many ladies from the church gathered together to throw a shower for my wife, and my awesome mother-in-law and sister-in-law also came to put their love into the mix. The ideas for the shower activities were so thoughtful and made us feel so special (I got this feeling second hand when Sarah told/showed me all about it). The prayer tree they did is so cool! All the ladies in attendance wrote a prayer for Elijah and hung it on little tree - so neat! One person wrote: "I pray that you will come to grasp and understand the love of our Lord Jesus Christ." This is our hope for Elijah as well. How cool it is to know that prayers like this are going up for our son.
And the gifts were incredibly generous- Sarah showed me each one and we are so thankful! We got a plethora of baby wipes, genius musical toys (you know a band director would like those), touching books, and even a deluxe (yes, deluxe) bouncer chair thing.
Last night, Elijah's Mimi (my mother-in-law) presented us with a recorded bedtime prayers book- like, she and my father-in-law recorded the audio to the book, and it plays when you turn each page- so cool!! Through this book, maybe Elijah will understand just a little bit more the love of God and the presence of God.
I know many of you can relate- it is such a blessing to receive love from others. And on top of that: to know that our son is surrounded by loving folks like these...it's pure joy.
Elijah's name means, "The Lord is my God." We named him this with the hope that his name will serve as a reminder for him: that the false gods this world offers are not true and that trying to make other things God in our life will only hurt us. Only the God of the Bible can give peace, joy, salvation, and true love.
Heavenly Father, thank you for our brothers and sisters in Christ who so encourage us, and thank you that you are looking on our precious son, even now. We ask that you would save Elijah through your Son, Jesus. Give him the grace to trust you in all things and do your Word. Thank you for reminding us through having children that we, like them, are helpless and in need of you. In the name of Christ the Lord, who is God, Amen.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Peace
Man, writing on a blog is really great: so relaxing and enaging at the same time.
I have been so encouraged recently by the book of Romans in the Bible. I have been memorizing some passages in chapters 5 and 8, and I hope to memorize 5 through 8 eventually.
In the process of dealing with these words for a good while, the Lord has really hit home some of their truth into my heart.
The apostle Paul, writing in Romans 5:1, lays out a big idea:
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." (ESV)
The first several words,"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith" show the basis for the next statement about peace with God. These words show that Christians have been justified already. Christians don't have to wishfully think about possibly being justified in the future- this is what the ESV study bible (Crossway, 2008) calls the "objective legal standing of the Christian." Amen. I can know that, as a believer in Christ, that I am declared righteous (the definition of the Greek word translated "justified" according to Mounce, 2006) before God himself.
Make no mistake, only someone who trusts in Christ as their Savior is justified. This verse tells us plainly that justification before God is received by faith. This is in stark contrast to someone trying to earn God's approval by the good things that they do. The preceding chapter says:
"For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. For what does the Scripture say? 'Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness." (Romans 4:2-3)
So the Bible is saying that, even before the new testament, people were justified in this same way, by faith.
How does this faith in Romans 5:1 justify? A simple answer would be because it is faith in the right person, named at the end of the verse: "our Lord Jesus Christ." Jesus is the one who lived the perfectly righteous life. The bible says he was "made perfect" and "innocent, unstained" (Hebrews 7:26,28). Jesus is also the one who died for the sins of all who would trust in Him. So, when a person trusts in and identifies with this Jesus, Jesus's perfect righteousness is credited to their account. 2nd Corinthians 5:21 says it this way:
"For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
The passage just before Romans 5:1 points also to the resurrection of Jesus from the dead as important for justification:
"It will be counted to us [as righteousness] who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification." - Romans 4:24-25
Now, back to the verse we are discussing: Romans 5:1 says that, because we have been justified, "we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Again, this book was originally written in Greek, so getting a sense of the original language is very helpful. In the case of the Greek word translated "peace" here in Romans 5:1, it is downright exciting.
The Greek word for peace in Romans 5:1 is described by William D. Mounce as denoting "euphoria coupled with security." (2006) Let that sink in: euphoria coupled with security.
That type of peace with God himself is what is available to us through Jesus Christ.
I have been so encouraged recently by the book of Romans in the Bible. I have been memorizing some passages in chapters 5 and 8, and I hope to memorize 5 through 8 eventually.
In the process of dealing with these words for a good while, the Lord has really hit home some of their truth into my heart.
The apostle Paul, writing in Romans 5:1, lays out a big idea:
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." (ESV)
The first several words,"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith" show the basis for the next statement about peace with God. These words show that Christians have been justified already. Christians don't have to wishfully think about possibly being justified in the future- this is what the ESV study bible (Crossway, 2008) calls the "objective legal standing of the Christian." Amen. I can know that, as a believer in Christ, that I am declared righteous (the definition of the Greek word translated "justified" according to Mounce, 2006) before God himself.
Make no mistake, only someone who trusts in Christ as their Savior is justified. This verse tells us plainly that justification before God is received by faith. This is in stark contrast to someone trying to earn God's approval by the good things that they do. The preceding chapter says:
"For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. For what does the Scripture say? 'Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness." (Romans 4:2-3)
So the Bible is saying that, even before the new testament, people were justified in this same way, by faith.
How does this faith in Romans 5:1 justify? A simple answer would be because it is faith in the right person, named at the end of the verse: "our Lord Jesus Christ." Jesus is the one who lived the perfectly righteous life. The bible says he was "made perfect" and "innocent, unstained" (Hebrews 7:26,28). Jesus is also the one who died for the sins of all who would trust in Him. So, when a person trusts in and identifies with this Jesus, Jesus's perfect righteousness is credited to their account. 2nd Corinthians 5:21 says it this way:
"For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
The passage just before Romans 5:1 points also to the resurrection of Jesus from the dead as important for justification:
"It will be counted to us [as righteousness] who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification." - Romans 4:24-25
Now, back to the verse we are discussing: Romans 5:1 says that, because we have been justified, "we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Again, this book was originally written in Greek, so getting a sense of the original language is very helpful. In the case of the Greek word translated "peace" here in Romans 5:1, it is downright exciting.
The Greek word for peace in Romans 5:1 is described by William D. Mounce as denoting "euphoria coupled with security." (2006) Let that sink in: euphoria coupled with security.
That type of peace with God himself is what is available to us through Jesus Christ.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
You know that you are a teacher when...
Okay, I simply have to share this very revealing moment from the past week.
At the school where I teach, we are allotted $200 per year for school supplies from Office Depot. How it works is that you submit an order form to your department chair, and then they send it off.
As I filled out my order form during the first week of school, it felt fairly routine. I had also waited until the last possible hour to do it and so I even felt a little rushed.
Well, this past week, my department chair hand delivered the bag of office depot stuff to my room. It was a large, pudgy bag, and so I began to get a little more excited and grateful for this gift.
Then I looked in the bag and, seeing it's contents, I became enamored. Bright colored boxes of blue, black, and red Bic pens caught my eye. There was a huge box filled with countless Manila file folders and the bag was oozing with Expo dry erase markers. A healthy box of wooden pencils sat side by side with a box of mechanical ones, for the times when you can't get to a pencil sharpener. Two working pairs of scissors seemed to be undeserved and a package of recycled, yet beautiful Post-it notes captured my imagination with their colorful surfaces. I was practically drooling over these school supplies!
I thought to myself in that moment: this is when you know you are a teacher. :)
At the school where I teach, we are allotted $200 per year for school supplies from Office Depot. How it works is that you submit an order form to your department chair, and then they send it off.
As I filled out my order form during the first week of school, it felt fairly routine. I had also waited until the last possible hour to do it and so I even felt a little rushed.
Well, this past week, my department chair hand delivered the bag of office depot stuff to my room. It was a large, pudgy bag, and so I began to get a little more excited and grateful for this gift.
Then I looked in the bag and, seeing it's contents, I became enamored. Bright colored boxes of blue, black, and red Bic pens caught my eye. There was a huge box filled with countless Manila file folders and the bag was oozing with Expo dry erase markers. A healthy box of wooden pencils sat side by side with a box of mechanical ones, for the times when you can't get to a pencil sharpener. Two working pairs of scissors seemed to be undeserved and a package of recycled, yet beautiful Post-it notes captured my imagination with their colorful surfaces. I was practically drooling over these school supplies!
I thought to myself in that moment: this is when you know you are a teacher. :)
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Escape From Prison
Hello everyone, It has been far, far too long since we posted here. Things would get confusing (or at least long) if I tried to explain everything that Sarah and I have experienced in the last year. However, I would like to share one common thread.
Last summer (summer 2011) and fall, with the help of some faithful friends and the conviction of God's Spirit, I began to see more clearly some underlying issues in my soul that were causing a variety of problems. The problems could be summed up like this: I had for awhile been experiencing unwanted and anxious thoughts regularly about relationships, responsibilities, and even salvation. As a result, I found myself lacking peace and joy in my daily life. Sometimes, the thoughts felt like a prison, and I couldn't see a way to break out. God's passageway to break out was so counterintuitive. The escape route was a command from Scripture.
By the grace of God, I began to recognize that it was the idolatry of my heart that was causing the anxiety. In other words, I was giving God-like value to things that weren't God. I recognized my two primary idols as: 1. Approval from other people and 2. Control over my life.
So- and stick with me here (as I often say to my high school students)- in trying to win the approval of others and in trying to grip my life fiercely in order to exert control over it, I was imprisoning myself. Let's face it, if you try and have complete control over your life, you are trying to do God's job. Now those are some big shoes to fill! God's role of sovereign responsibility and care is more than enough to cause any human a lifetime of anxiety, should they attempt to take it on. My pastor often reminds us of this truth: Anxiety is stepping into God's role and quickly realizing that we don't have God's resources.
So that's what I was doing, essentially. I thought things like: "My marriage needs to be successful so that others will respect me", "I need to make absolutely sure that I have crossed off every checklist item in the Christian faith to be sure that I am in fact a Christian," and "I need to make sure that nothing goes wrong in this relationship." Again, in trying to do the impossible, I was setting a prison up for myself to dwell in. But God had a special passageway for me out of the prison and it was somewhat counterintuitive. Sometime in the fall (I don't remember the exact day) I read this in Luke, Chapter 4:
"It is written,'You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.'"
This is Jesus quoting Scripture to Satan in the wilderness - wow. In reading this, I realized that this passage could be a powerful weapon for me to us in the fight against idolatry, which was (and still is many times) the source of my anxiety.
How does this weapon work? In the bible, God commands his people to worship only Him, and no one/thing else. This straightforward command that Jesus quotes in Luke was so simple, yet so powerful for me. In this verse, I learn that I must worship God alone, not my own power, nor my image. When I remind myself of this verse, God reminds me that he is God and that I should consider Him to have ultimate worth. When I turn from my idolatry in those times and truly believe that God is God, I am not anxious, because I am entrusting myself to the only person who can take care of the whole world, including all the needs of my life. I experience so much more peace in my heart, though my heart is, of course, not perfect.
So a command to submit to the ultimate Authority is what broke me out of prison. This is why I say it is counterintuitive. The way to experience true freedom is to submit to the truth.
Thanks be to the only true God- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Father sent the Son to live, die and resurrect by the Spirit in order to make a true way for us to know God. By personally trusting that Jesus lived perfectly submitted to the only God, that he paid the penalty for all of the false gods that we have, and that he was raised from the dead, we are rescued out of all of our worship prisons to experience forgiveness and freedom with God forever.
Jesus, while on Earth, told us: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life."
Last summer (summer 2011) and fall, with the help of some faithful friends and the conviction of God's Spirit, I began to see more clearly some underlying issues in my soul that were causing a variety of problems. The problems could be summed up like this: I had for awhile been experiencing unwanted and anxious thoughts regularly about relationships, responsibilities, and even salvation. As a result, I found myself lacking peace and joy in my daily life. Sometimes, the thoughts felt like a prison, and I couldn't see a way to break out. God's passageway to break out was so counterintuitive. The escape route was a command from Scripture.
By the grace of God, I began to recognize that it was the idolatry of my heart that was causing the anxiety. In other words, I was giving God-like value to things that weren't God. I recognized my two primary idols as: 1. Approval from other people and 2. Control over my life.
So- and stick with me here (as I often say to my high school students)- in trying to win the approval of others and in trying to grip my life fiercely in order to exert control over it, I was imprisoning myself. Let's face it, if you try and have complete control over your life, you are trying to do God's job. Now those are some big shoes to fill! God's role of sovereign responsibility and care is more than enough to cause any human a lifetime of anxiety, should they attempt to take it on. My pastor often reminds us of this truth: Anxiety is stepping into God's role and quickly realizing that we don't have God's resources.
So that's what I was doing, essentially. I thought things like: "My marriage needs to be successful so that others will respect me", "I need to make absolutely sure that I have crossed off every checklist item in the Christian faith to be sure that I am in fact a Christian," and "I need to make sure that nothing goes wrong in this relationship." Again, in trying to do the impossible, I was setting a prison up for myself to dwell in. But God had a special passageway for me out of the prison and it was somewhat counterintuitive. Sometime in the fall (I don't remember the exact day) I read this in Luke, Chapter 4:
"It is written,'You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.'"
This is Jesus quoting Scripture to Satan in the wilderness - wow. In reading this, I realized that this passage could be a powerful weapon for me to us in the fight against idolatry, which was (and still is many times) the source of my anxiety.
How does this weapon work? In the bible, God commands his people to worship only Him, and no one/thing else. This straightforward command that Jesus quotes in Luke was so simple, yet so powerful for me. In this verse, I learn that I must worship God alone, not my own power, nor my image. When I remind myself of this verse, God reminds me that he is God and that I should consider Him to have ultimate worth. When I turn from my idolatry in those times and truly believe that God is God, I am not anxious, because I am entrusting myself to the only person who can take care of the whole world, including all the needs of my life. I experience so much more peace in my heart, though my heart is, of course, not perfect.
So a command to submit to the ultimate Authority is what broke me out of prison. This is why I say it is counterintuitive. The way to experience true freedom is to submit to the truth.
Thanks be to the only true God- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Father sent the Son to live, die and resurrect by the Spirit in order to make a true way for us to know God. By personally trusting that Jesus lived perfectly submitted to the only God, that he paid the penalty for all of the false gods that we have, and that he was raised from the dead, we are rescued out of all of our worship prisons to experience forgiveness and freedom with God forever.
Jesus, while on Earth, told us: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life."
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Recently
So it's been a long time since we posted! It took me a while to get over Ben's rational musings on my favorite girlhood movie, but I have survived! :)
I suppose the reason why there have been no recent posts is possibly because there has been little news. We have been living rather quietly, with no major disasters or adventures. Ben has been busy with band camp, meetings, and lesson planning. I have been playing guitar a lot in preparation for my internship, keeping house, learning how to be content in all things, and trying to support my husband in his busyness. We've made it to the beach a few times and have enjoyed some quiet nights at home playing checkers and drinking beer. :)
Our first anniversary was 2 weekends ago, and we celebrated all week long with little things like watching our wedding DVD, looking at the wedding album, and recalling special memories. I borrowed an idea from a friend and made a book for Ben where I wrote down special memories from our first year together. We also got to go to dinner at a nice restaurant in the City Place, and enjoyed the opportunity to dress up and go out on the town. ;)
The last year being married to Ben has been the best year of my life. The element of companionship in marriage is almost too deep for words, because God creates intimacy between two people who love him and each other when they don't even notice it. Looking back to the day that we were married, I had no idea that I would love Ben in the way that I do today --- and I loved him a LOT! The process of moving through life together, making decisions together, comforting one another, and working out problems day by day all while under the authority of Christ is a journey that is hard but it leads to delight - delight in one another as companions for life, and delight in the God who loves us enough to give us such a gift.
As a teenager dreaming of the man that I would one day marry, I could not have imagined such a man as Ben Sparrow - one who loves me unconditionally, leads our family in truth and wisdom, and does not seek to live up to any standards of the world but those of our Father alone. He loves me for who I am, accepting me completely despite the faults that he knows I have. He forgives me freely, without hesitation and without holding it against me. He treasures me as his wife, loving me tenderly and thoughtfully and with abandon - I feel safe and secure in his love. He is handsome and his presence is a comfort to me. He is also my buddy - we can have fun on a grand adventure or a quiet night at home. I just love being with him whatever we do. He kind and gracious to everyone that he meets. He is known for his kindness and ability to get along with others, and his reputation of integrity is well-known. All of these Christ-like traits that I see in my husband point me to Christ as I see and experience them daily. As we move through life together and experience the faithfulness of our Savior over and over again, I realize how blessed I am to have such a partner for life. Not only is he my husband and lover and companion, he is my very best friend.
Well, i didn't intend for this post to beva tribute to my wonderful husband, but it is! You never know where a rambling, spaghetti-right-brained writer will end up, but it's always an adventure! Speaking of adventures, we are on our way to look at used cars! That is a whole new deal for us! :)
I suppose the reason why there have been no recent posts is possibly because there has been little news. We have been living rather quietly, with no major disasters or adventures. Ben has been busy with band camp, meetings, and lesson planning. I have been playing guitar a lot in preparation for my internship, keeping house, learning how to be content in all things, and trying to support my husband in his busyness. We've made it to the beach a few times and have enjoyed some quiet nights at home playing checkers and drinking beer. :)
Our first anniversary was 2 weekends ago, and we celebrated all week long with little things like watching our wedding DVD, looking at the wedding album, and recalling special memories. I borrowed an idea from a friend and made a book for Ben where I wrote down special memories from our first year together. We also got to go to dinner at a nice restaurant in the City Place, and enjoyed the opportunity to dress up and go out on the town. ;)
The last year being married to Ben has been the best year of my life. The element of companionship in marriage is almost too deep for words, because God creates intimacy between two people who love him and each other when they don't even notice it. Looking back to the day that we were married, I had no idea that I would love Ben in the way that I do today --- and I loved him a LOT! The process of moving through life together, making decisions together, comforting one another, and working out problems day by day all while under the authority of Christ is a journey that is hard but it leads to delight - delight in one another as companions for life, and delight in the God who loves us enough to give us such a gift.
As a teenager dreaming of the man that I would one day marry, I could not have imagined such a man as Ben Sparrow - one who loves me unconditionally, leads our family in truth and wisdom, and does not seek to live up to any standards of the world but those of our Father alone. He loves me for who I am, accepting me completely despite the faults that he knows I have. He forgives me freely, without hesitation and without holding it against me. He treasures me as his wife, loving me tenderly and thoughtfully and with abandon - I feel safe and secure in his love. He is handsome and his presence is a comfort to me. He is also my buddy - we can have fun on a grand adventure or a quiet night at home. I just love being with him whatever we do. He kind and gracious to everyone that he meets. He is known for his kindness and ability to get along with others, and his reputation of integrity is well-known. All of these Christ-like traits that I see in my husband point me to Christ as I see and experience them daily. As we move through life together and experience the faithfulness of our Savior over and over again, I realize how blessed I am to have such a partner for life. Not only is he my husband and lover and companion, he is my very best friend.
Well, i didn't intend for this post to beva tribute to my wonderful husband, but it is! You never know where a rambling, spaghetti-right-brained writer will end up, but it's always an adventure! Speaking of adventures, we are on our way to look at used cars! That is a whole new deal for us! :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Ben's First Post...Get Stoked!
Sarah has been doing an awesome job blogging. Tbough I am the co-owner of this blog, I have not posted until now! I think you will enjoy my more concise sentence structure as evidenced thus far. =)
Sarah and I have been watching the "Anne of Green Gables" series on DVD during the last few days. I have been swept into the story line at times, and my masculinity has endured nicely. I love the beautiful shots of Prince Edward Island--amazing! And I also enjoy the heartwarming interaction between Merilla (I think that's how you spell it) and Anne.
This series has made me think a lot about where we find joy. Joy is something that everyone searches for and no one currently has enough of. I mean, most of the time we all would admit that we would love to have even just a thimble full more of joy.
In the "Anne of Green Gables" series, Anne expresses joy about so many things. When the audience first meets Anne, she is often finding joy in day dreams about what her life might be like if it weren't the same. She finds joy in nature on the carriage ride home with Matthew to Green Gables. She finds joy in attending the ball with what's her name...the girl friend of hers...brown hair...yea. In the sequel movie she finds joy in getting her writing published, in putting on an awesome school play, in returning home to the Green Gables, and especially in her and Gil's romance at the end.
We can all identify with these sources of joy, and they are all valid and important and good things to be joyful about. God has given us beautiful scenery, close personal relationships, parties, and romance to enjoy.
The overall portrayal of Anne in the movies raises a question for me...is Anne's joy lasting? Does it even last for hours, or days, or months, or years...let alone millenia or eternity? Also, are her sources of joy the ultimate source of joy or just vessels to point her to the ultimate source?
In relationship with God-the only true God revealed in Jesus Christ-is the only place that we will ever find lasting joy. We have all experienced getting that next thing that we want, finding joy for a brief period that then fades. For me, it's happened with my new job. Before I got a job, a part of me thought that getting one would bring me incredible joy. It did, in fact, but that joy has faded. My soul is again restless. It's no longer good enough that I have a job, I need a great commute, and so on, and so forth. God's unchanging nature and unbreakable promises allow those who trust in Him to have joy that lasts, no matter how high or how low life's circumstances take us.
In the person of God is where we find the ultimate source of joy...we were created with this in mind. Think about it...if the gifts (like the ones listed above) are so amazing, how much more amazing is the person who designed and crafted and gave us all the gifts? How much more able to give and sustain joy is that person? Infinitely more, and in fact, God's gifts are given to point us to himself, the magnificent and loving God that He is.
Perhaps the greatest gift God has given us is himself. God the Son (Jesus Christ) came to earth, leaving perfect and complete joy with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit while we, who had been created to love Him, were still turning against Him. He lived the life we should have lived, one that was perfectly obedient to God, and then died the death that we should have died for our rebellion. He defeated death (the penalty of our misdeeds) rising from the grave, making a way from us to God. This gift is given to us to make us see God as great. And, for those who receive this gift by believing that Jesus has done this incredible thing for them, this gift gives way to the highest joy we will ever know, knowing God forever.
The bible in 1 Peter 3:18 says: "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous,that he might bring us to God." Psalm 16:11 says, "In your presence [God's presence] there is fullness of joy."
What about when Anne and Gilbert fight and they can't stand the thought of each other for several hours? Will she have joy during that time? What about when she can't imagine herself out of an illness that she has, or a tough financial situation? When Merilla dies?
I would die for the truth that she will only find full joy throughout all circumstances in God himself.
Sarah and I have been watching the "Anne of Green Gables" series on DVD during the last few days. I have been swept into the story line at times, and my masculinity has endured nicely. I love the beautiful shots of Prince Edward Island--amazing! And I also enjoy the heartwarming interaction between Merilla (I think that's how you spell it) and Anne.
This series has made me think a lot about where we find joy. Joy is something that everyone searches for and no one currently has enough of. I mean, most of the time we all would admit that we would love to have even just a thimble full more of joy.
In the "Anne of Green Gables" series, Anne expresses joy about so many things. When the audience first meets Anne, she is often finding joy in day dreams about what her life might be like if it weren't the same. She finds joy in nature on the carriage ride home with Matthew to Green Gables. She finds joy in attending the ball with what's her name...the girl friend of hers...brown hair...yea. In the sequel movie she finds joy in getting her writing published, in putting on an awesome school play, in returning home to the Green Gables, and especially in her and Gil's romance at the end.
We can all identify with these sources of joy, and they are all valid and important and good things to be joyful about. God has given us beautiful scenery, close personal relationships, parties, and romance to enjoy.
The overall portrayal of Anne in the movies raises a question for me...is Anne's joy lasting? Does it even last for hours, or days, or months, or years...let alone millenia or eternity? Also, are her sources of joy the ultimate source of joy or just vessels to point her to the ultimate source?
In relationship with God-the only true God revealed in Jesus Christ-is the only place that we will ever find lasting joy. We have all experienced getting that next thing that we want, finding joy for a brief period that then fades. For me, it's happened with my new job. Before I got a job, a part of me thought that getting one would bring me incredible joy. It did, in fact, but that joy has faded. My soul is again restless. It's no longer good enough that I have a job, I need a great commute, and so on, and so forth. God's unchanging nature and unbreakable promises allow those who trust in Him to have joy that lasts, no matter how high or how low life's circumstances take us.
In the person of God is where we find the ultimate source of joy...we were created with this in mind. Think about it...if the gifts (like the ones listed above) are so amazing, how much more amazing is the person who designed and crafted and gave us all the gifts? How much more able to give and sustain joy is that person? Infinitely more, and in fact, God's gifts are given to point us to himself, the magnificent and loving God that He is.
Perhaps the greatest gift God has given us is himself. God the Son (Jesus Christ) came to earth, leaving perfect and complete joy with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit while we, who had been created to love Him, were still turning against Him. He lived the life we should have lived, one that was perfectly obedient to God, and then died the death that we should have died for our rebellion. He defeated death (the penalty of our misdeeds) rising from the grave, making a way from us to God. This gift is given to us to make us see God as great. And, for those who receive this gift by believing that Jesus has done this incredible thing for them, this gift gives way to the highest joy we will ever know, knowing God forever.
The bible in 1 Peter 3:18 says: "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous,that he might bring us to God." Psalm 16:11 says, "In your presence [God's presence] there is fullness of joy."
What about when Anne and Gilbert fight and they can't stand the thought of each other for several hours? Will she have joy during that time? What about when she can't imagine herself out of an illness that she has, or a tough financial situation? When Merilla dies?
I would die for the truth that she will only find full joy throughout all circumstances in God himself.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Typical talk for the starving artist type....
Ben and I have been listening to Wayne Shorter this weekend. He is such a fabulous musician! Honestly, when I met Ben he introduced me to music that I had never listened to before. I always thought that if we were to get married, we would be rich in terms of our fusing musical collections and love ..... And both have turned out to true! :) That being said, having been nothing but musicians/students since we met, it has been good that we have had our music and our love for the past blissful almost-year of marriage! God is the great provider and we have never been in need of anything regardless of our circumstances. But as with other friends pursuing a career with their art, there is always the fun sport of taking on the "starving artist" persona, which we do for fun on occasion. That desperate, gold-digging, headstrong personality came over me with so much irony while we were listening to Mr. Shorter today and I just had to share:
"You know I really married you because I wanted all your music (Ben snorted). Yup, I married you for you music and your money."
Ben immediately replied, "Well that was a stupid idea." =)
"You know I really married you because I wanted all your music (Ben snorted). Yup, I married you for you music and your money."
Ben immediately replied, "Well that was a stupid idea." =)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Never a Dull Moment
....not having a lot on the "to-do" list doesn't mean that we can't get into trouble - oh no, quite the opposite! In the past 3 days we have called both 911 (Sarah and the boxcutter incident)and Poison Control (Sarah forgot the exterminator came to the house and ate something off the floor). I would like to point out that Ben was not the perpetrator of either of these events; however, he did most of the dirty work in order to get things right again....because he's just THE MAN like that. Meanwhile, I have managed to stay out of trouble for almost 24 hrs and am trying my best to keep it that way!
The boxcutter incident happened as a result of cutting holes around teeny tiny nails that held a bookshelf backing in place (the backing happened to have been nailed on backwards). After about 50 nails were done and 4 were left I decided to defy the laws of knife-handling (never a good idea) in my haste to finish and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the bookshelf - in the line of fire. And it did feel like fire, actually. After we called 911 looking for the hospital or an urgent care place (we had neither internet nor a phone book), the operator decided, against our protesting, that we needed an ambulance. The embarrassing exchange between us and the paramedics is actually comical in hinds' sight....we all knew they didn't need to be there, we simply needed directions to Urgent Care. I hope nobody was in serious condition during their visit. They literally took my blood pressure and gave me a Band-aid, telling me the wound may or may not even need stitching. Urgent Care sewed me up right away, and we were off. 4 stitches and quite a tale to tell for all of it!
In other news, we have been cooking and eating fabulous food! I have been searching out local farmer's markets, and found a close one with great deals. I bought all of the food in the photo below for just a bit over $10!
Lettuce, Zucchini, Corn, Yellow Squash, Mango, FL Oranges, Tomatoes, Cucumber....
I'm the most excited about the mango!
Did I mention that I am exceedingly excited about this?
This food tends to make very good meals as well. The other night we had oven-roasted veggies with alfredo pasta and garlic toast on the side. One of my favorites so far! - I liked it so much that I took a picture! :)
We also found out that we are permitted to paint our place! I am ecstatic about this! One of my girlhood dreams was to have a place of my own that I could paint and decorate. I used to plan whenever I would go to the hardware store with my dad. :) We picked out the colors together, and I picked them and all the paint supplies up at Home Depot today. Thanks to my Grandpa Fortney's graduation gift to Ben of a Home Depot gift card, we are able to start this project sooner rather than later. Stay tuned for before-and-after shots!
The boxcutter incident happened as a result of cutting holes around teeny tiny nails that held a bookshelf backing in place (the backing happened to have been nailed on backwards). After about 50 nails were done and 4 were left I decided to defy the laws of knife-handling (never a good idea) in my haste to finish and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the bookshelf - in the line of fire. And it did feel like fire, actually. After we called 911 looking for the hospital or an urgent care place (we had neither internet nor a phone book), the operator decided, against our protesting, that we needed an ambulance. The embarrassing exchange between us and the paramedics is actually comical in hinds' sight....we all knew they didn't need to be there, we simply needed directions to Urgent Care. I hope nobody was in serious condition during their visit. They literally took my blood pressure and gave me a Band-aid, telling me the wound may or may not even need stitching. Urgent Care sewed me up right away, and we were off. 4 stitches and quite a tale to tell for all of it!
In other news, we have been cooking and eating fabulous food! I have been searching out local farmer's markets, and found a close one with great deals. I bought all of the food in the photo below for just a bit over $10!
This food tends to make very good meals as well. The other night we had oven-roasted veggies with alfredo pasta and garlic toast on the side. One of my favorites so far! - I liked it so much that I took a picture! :)
We also found out that we are permitted to paint our place! I am ecstatic about this! One of my girlhood dreams was to have a place of my own that I could paint and decorate. I used to plan whenever I would go to the hardware store with my dad. :) We picked out the colors together, and I picked them and all the paint supplies up at Home Depot today. Thanks to my Grandpa Fortney's graduation gift to Ben of a Home Depot gift card, we are able to start this project sooner rather than later. Stay tuned for before-and-after shots!
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Big Move
So we are officially living in South Florida now! First of all, I would like to dispel the myth that South Florida is hotter than any other place in the southern regions of the US. Just because it's further south does not make it hotter. If you have never visited Greenville, NC and West Palm Beach, FL in succession, you must do so before making an informed decision on this subject. Let's just say that hot, humid, stagnant air FEELS ridiculously more smothering than hot, humid air which is mingled with a gentle breeze from the Atlantic Ocean! So all you G-vegas people --- come visit us! :)
We had a very smooth trip down. Ben is a master Budget truck driver; the only incident he had was with a garbage can at a gas station (Budget truck = 1, trash can = 0; thankfully plastic cans can be bent back into shape!). Although I went a little crazy driving the Honda all alone, I finished Anne of Green Gables on audiobook, my phone battery never died, and my appendages never completely went to sleep - win! We made a pit stop in Jacksonville, FL on Day 1 to visit some dear old friends of mine (they're not old in years, but I have known them a long time!). Thanks to our pastor in Greenville, the next day we were able to meet up with some members of a local church body who helped us move into our new apartment. It was not the best moving conditions, as the rain made the truck ramp slippery, but nothing was broken, and more importantly, nobody was injured. :)
So of course there are adjustments to be made as it is with any new town, but we are loving this area. I particularly enjoy the beachy breeze and the SUPER TARGET 3 minutes down the road. :) We are slowly making some friends in the area from the church we visited yesterday as well as some neighbors. My favorite part, by far, is the abundance of time that we have had since moving here. The last year has been fabulous, don't get me wrong - God has been good to us in our marriage and our school endeavors - but finding quality time together while meeting the demands of our lives has been interesting to say the least. The lavish amount of time that we have had to set up our home, unpack our things, take breaks from that to sit on the porch and talk, walk down to the pool and check our e-mail, explore the area, and get lots and lots of sleep has been a gift for which we are incredibly thankful. Being a first year teacher, Ben will more than likely be quite busy, and I believe that my internship will require a lot from me as well. It has been lovely to begin our lives here slowly.
Enough for all my chatty words, here are some pictures from the last few days:
Pit stop for gas: this truck sucked it down!
My view = I-95 and the moving truck!
This photo was taken right after we crossed the GA-FL border. The sign's caption? "Welcome to the Sunshine State." Ironic.
Right after this, the camera battery died. I was unable to take any more photos until all of our stuff was in piles in the living room, as seen below. :)
Unpacking Day 1: I thought this was the last kitchen box. I had been misinformed. :)
Sunday after church we visited the City Place: probably a real tourist trap, but it's a gorgeous area!
Hi Mom! ;-)
More to come....
We had a very smooth trip down. Ben is a master Budget truck driver; the only incident he had was with a garbage can at a gas station (Budget truck = 1, trash can = 0; thankfully plastic cans can be bent back into shape!). Although I went a little crazy driving the Honda all alone, I finished Anne of Green Gables on audiobook, my phone battery never died, and my appendages never completely went to sleep - win! We made a pit stop in Jacksonville, FL on Day 1 to visit some dear old friends of mine (they're not old in years, but I have known them a long time!). Thanks to our pastor in Greenville, the next day we were able to meet up with some members of a local church body who helped us move into our new apartment. It was not the best moving conditions, as the rain made the truck ramp slippery, but nothing was broken, and more importantly, nobody was injured. :)
So of course there are adjustments to be made as it is with any new town, but we are loving this area. I particularly enjoy the beachy breeze and the SUPER TARGET 3 minutes down the road. :) We are slowly making some friends in the area from the church we visited yesterday as well as some neighbors. My favorite part, by far, is the abundance of time that we have had since moving here. The last year has been fabulous, don't get me wrong - God has been good to us in our marriage and our school endeavors - but finding quality time together while meeting the demands of our lives has been interesting to say the least. The lavish amount of time that we have had to set up our home, unpack our things, take breaks from that to sit on the porch and talk, walk down to the pool and check our e-mail, explore the area, and get lots and lots of sleep has been a gift for which we are incredibly thankful. Being a first year teacher, Ben will more than likely be quite busy, and I believe that my internship will require a lot from me as well. It has been lovely to begin our lives here slowly.
Enough for all my chatty words, here are some pictures from the last few days:
Right after this, the camera battery died. I was unable to take any more photos until all of our stuff was in piles in the living room, as seen below. :)
More to come....
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Typing Up Loose Ends
T minus 8 days until the big adventure!
What a massive explosion of emotions has taken place in my life over the last month! I have been learning so much about trusting the Lord; I realize even more how my desire is to take control and manipulate situations into what I want them to be (which I so often do); now He has given a scenario over which I have had so little control and I had no choice but to trust and wait.
I am so terrible at waiting.
So here we are, on the verge of relocation...I have done so little to make it happen, and yet it has happened so beautifully (it is times like this where I really think God is laughing at me, with the loving, all-knowing compassion of a Father, saying, "Oh, I'm so glad it worked out too! It was getting a little dicey in the middle, but - amazing - I made it all happen ALL BY MYSELF!")
So we are a lease-signing away from an apartment. Ben has a full-time job. I was granted a stipend for my internship. We have found a church home in West Palm.....back to the discussion about mercy and grace, I am so aware of both right now.
I am also aware that all of this would have been fully accomplished without my addition of worry and stress and fear at times. But I am learning, slowly but surely.
Saying good-bye is hard, too. I suck at goodbyes. Working on that one. :)
Here's a little sneak peak at packing in the Sparrow abode:
The wall of boxes in the bedroom. I'm thinking it shouldn't get much taller....
Our TV (mercifully) kicked the bucket last week, and we decided not to replace it. The entertainment center now serves as a holding area for items waiting to both store and be stored....what a process!
The ABC Store has been the main provider of moving boxes for us. Great way to save money on sturdy boxes! We like to keep ours behind the dining room table. :)
What a massive explosion of emotions has taken place in my life over the last month! I have been learning so much about trusting the Lord; I realize even more how my desire is to take control and manipulate situations into what I want them to be (which I so often do); now He has given a scenario over which I have had so little control and I had no choice but to trust and wait.
I am so terrible at waiting.
So here we are, on the verge of relocation...I have done so little to make it happen, and yet it has happened so beautifully (it is times like this where I really think God is laughing at me, with the loving, all-knowing compassion of a Father, saying, "Oh, I'm so glad it worked out too! It was getting a little dicey in the middle, but - amazing - I made it all happen ALL BY MYSELF!")
So we are a lease-signing away from an apartment. Ben has a full-time job. I was granted a stipend for my internship. We have found a church home in West Palm.....back to the discussion about mercy and grace, I am so aware of both right now.
I am also aware that all of this would have been fully accomplished without my addition of worry and stress and fear at times. But I am learning, slowly but surely.
Saying good-bye is hard, too. I suck at goodbyes. Working on that one. :)
Here's a little sneak peak at packing in the Sparrow abode:
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Student of Mercy
I've been pondering the grace of God today. It started with a message at church, continued in the synaptic firings of my brain for the middle of the day, and blew up in my face with a failed attempt to locate a copy of the Daily Reflector.
I really wanted the newspaper today. I am trying to save money for my family with coupons and specials - those are good things, right? But when my desire to be a good steward morphed into pride, I found myself entitled to this opportunity. And when I couldn't get the paper, I got upset. At Ben (because he was there, not because he did anything wrong). I hate to admit what a childish tantrum I threw (it was masked by adult-isms, but it would be so prideful to use the popular "I got my feelings hurt")....I am finding that sometimes public confession is a great teacher of humility. In the meantime, sometimes others learn or find encouragement.
But I digress. I tell this story in lieu of the definitions of grace and mercy. Mercy is God delivering us from what we deserve - the punishment of hell. Grace is God giving us everything besides hell (salvation, life, air, marriage, and the list goes on and on...). So by definition, anything that I have that is not hell is God's intense grace towards me. The only thing that I deserve in and of myself is hell. Period. Everything else is a gift from our gracious God. I still feel entitled to so many things that God has given (or has not yet given) to me as good gifts intended to show Him off as the good and gracious God that he is.
Things like health. Safety. The security of good opinions from others. We all have our own lists.
If I had an accurate view of God's mercy, I would not kick, fight, and scream for the things that I thought I deserved. Now, I was raised in a Christian home, I've been going to church all my life, and I know what the Word says about my salvation. I believe that my salvation is a result of the finished work on Christ on the cross, a free gift to me because the debt was paid with His sinless life. But if really understood God's mercy, I would LIVE so much differently. My actions, decisions, and RESPONSES to the unknown would look so much different.
I would respond to pain with trust, not with anger.
I would respond to grief by throwing myself at the feet of Comfort, instead of trying to make my heart impenetrable and hard.
I would respond to mistreatment with humility, not with bitterness.
I would respond to change with an expectant heart, not with the construction of fearful walls.
I would respond to personal failure with an understanding of my identity in Christ, not with self-pity and retreat into the darkness of my own personal wounds.
And all of this stems from an inaccurate understanding of the Gospel - what Jesus came for, how I fit into the picture, where this is all going. It is for his glory. God was glorified when I was shown mercy by the lovingkindness of Jesus Christ in his sacrifice for me. He is glorified when I suffer. He is glorified when I am unable to get my comfort, the new job, or the stupid newspaper.
This is so backwards to how my heart is inclined to approach not getting what I want. But I desire to know the mercy of God in a deeper way. Each day I see even more the depravity of my heart without him, and I am inclined to pursue the understanding of my Treasure more and more. Knowledge of the mercy of God leads me to know that I am undeserving of anything good, which makes HIM the goodness of it all, therefore all the more to be worshiped. Knowledge of the grace of God leaves me in awe of His kindness toward me, the undeserving of undeserving.
More and more I realize why I need the Gospel every single day: because although I am a believer in Christ, I fail to recognize the truths of the Word that show me who I am before God. I am one who has been rescued from death, forgiven for unspeakable sins against the holiness of God, and made to stand holy before the One who could judge but instead sees Jesus when he looks at me. There is no goodness in me; I did not cause this immeasurably awesome exchange - Jesus for me - to take place. My part in the story is to glorify my God with my life...the greatest honor in the world.
I really wanted the newspaper today. I am trying to save money for my family with coupons and specials - those are good things, right? But when my desire to be a good steward morphed into pride, I found myself entitled to this opportunity. And when I couldn't get the paper, I got upset. At Ben (because he was there, not because he did anything wrong). I hate to admit what a childish tantrum I threw (it was masked by adult-isms, but it would be so prideful to use the popular "I got my feelings hurt")....I am finding that sometimes public confession is a great teacher of humility. In the meantime, sometimes others learn or find encouragement.
But I digress. I tell this story in lieu of the definitions of grace and mercy. Mercy is God delivering us from what we deserve - the punishment of hell. Grace is God giving us everything besides hell (salvation, life, air, marriage, and the list goes on and on...). So by definition, anything that I have that is not hell is God's intense grace towards me. The only thing that I deserve in and of myself is hell. Period. Everything else is a gift from our gracious God. I still feel entitled to so many things that God has given (or has not yet given) to me as good gifts intended to show Him off as the good and gracious God that he is.
Things like health. Safety. The security of good opinions from others. We all have our own lists.
If I had an accurate view of God's mercy, I would not kick, fight, and scream for the things that I thought I deserved. Now, I was raised in a Christian home, I've been going to church all my life, and I know what the Word says about my salvation. I believe that my salvation is a result of the finished work on Christ on the cross, a free gift to me because the debt was paid with His sinless life. But if really understood God's mercy, I would LIVE so much differently. My actions, decisions, and RESPONSES to the unknown would look so much different.
I would respond to pain with trust, not with anger.
I would respond to grief by throwing myself at the feet of Comfort, instead of trying to make my heart impenetrable and hard.
I would respond to mistreatment with humility, not with bitterness.
I would respond to change with an expectant heart, not with the construction of fearful walls.
I would respond to personal failure with an understanding of my identity in Christ, not with self-pity and retreat into the darkness of my own personal wounds.
And all of this stems from an inaccurate understanding of the Gospel - what Jesus came for, how I fit into the picture, where this is all going. It is for his glory. God was glorified when I was shown mercy by the lovingkindness of Jesus Christ in his sacrifice for me. He is glorified when I suffer. He is glorified when I am unable to get my comfort, the new job, or the stupid newspaper.
This is so backwards to how my heart is inclined to approach not getting what I want. But I desire to know the mercy of God in a deeper way. Each day I see even more the depravity of my heart without him, and I am inclined to pursue the understanding of my Treasure more and more. Knowledge of the mercy of God leads me to know that I am undeserving of anything good, which makes HIM the goodness of it all, therefore all the more to be worshiped. Knowledge of the grace of God leaves me in awe of His kindness toward me, the undeserving of undeserving.
More and more I realize why I need the Gospel every single day: because although I am a believer in Christ, I fail to recognize the truths of the Word that show me who I am before God. I am one who has been rescued from death, forgiven for unspeakable sins against the holiness of God, and made to stand holy before the One who could judge but instead sees Jesus when he looks at me. There is no goodness in me; I did not cause this immeasurably awesome exchange - Jesus for me - to take place. My part in the story is to glorify my God with my life...the greatest honor in the world.
Monday, May 16, 2011
10 Lessons from ECU
1. Alarm clocks do not rub your back until you wake up (like mom did).
2. "I have a three and a half-octave vocal range. My mom was a choir director. MYYYY voice teacher thinks that I will be famous some day." (this person will not graduate with a job)
3. Walking alone at night at 3am may result in rape...oh wait, I knew that already.
4. You fail to sleep, you fail a test, you fail a class....very logical progression.
5. If a prof gives you a surprisingly poor grade in yoga and then promptly peaces out of the country....there may be something shady going on.
6. ECU boys are too shy to talk to a pretty girl in class, but they don't mind telling the whole student body how they feel about her via pirate rants.
7. It is not considered popular to be a white, conservative, 21-year-old music major who is also a wife and an "overachiever" at East Carolina University.
8. If you're cool, you party. If you party, you are likely to fail classes. If you fail classes, it is possible that it will take you approximately 5.5 years to graduate. If it takes you that long, you may become depressed and party some more. Lesson: it is not cool to be cool.
9. ECU students will do anything -- and I do mean anything -- for a free t-shirt.
10. You text, you drive, you die.
.....so proud to be a pirate. :)
2. "I have a three and a half-octave vocal range. My mom was a choir director. MYYYY voice teacher thinks that I will be famous some day." (this person will not graduate with a job)
3. Walking alone at night at 3am may result in rape...oh wait, I knew that already.
4. You fail to sleep, you fail a test, you fail a class....very logical progression.
5. If a prof gives you a surprisingly poor grade in yoga and then promptly peaces out of the country....there may be something shady going on.
6. ECU boys are too shy to talk to a pretty girl in class, but they don't mind telling the whole student body how they feel about her via pirate rants.
7. It is not considered popular to be a white, conservative, 21-year-old music major who is also a wife and an "overachiever" at East Carolina University.
8. If you're cool, you party. If you party, you are likely to fail classes. If you fail classes, it is possible that it will take you approximately 5.5 years to graduate. If it takes you that long, you may become depressed and party some more. Lesson: it is not cool to be cool.
9. ECU students will do anything -- and I do mean anything -- for a free t-shirt.
10. You text, you drive, you die.
.....so proud to be a pirate. :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
At Last, My [Degree] Has Come Along =)
(for the record, the title of this blog post is borrowed from Etta James)
I have to say, these degrees has been a marathon for us! I have had senioritis for at least 20 months, but all of my coursework for my BM in Music Therapy is DONE, and I just have the internship in West Palm Beach to look forward to. The last 12 have been quite a feat for Ben as well; getting a Masters in 1 year is NOT for the faint of heart! He has 2 more classes this summer to finish that degree, but so far he has come through with determination, strength, a few all-nighters, and a 4.0!
Graduation day was amazing; second to our wedding day, it was probably the best day ever. We enjoyed some great family time, ate some great food, and celebrated a great milestone together. We started the party out with a brunch at Rachel's house; we ate good food and visited with sweet friends and family. I felt more relaxed than I have in a VERY long time; it was so nice to sit and drink coffee without having a laundry list of tasks sitting in the back of my brain. I also felt incredibly loved by my sister, mother, mother-in-law, and the rest of the people who were there to celebrate with us; one of the things that I have been working on recently is learning to let people love me and not feel guilty about it. I think that yesterday I was finally able to completely let go and enjoy being "waited on" and loved by my family. It was a sweet time. Here are some pics from the brunch!
My sisters, mom, and Nanny (mom's mom)
My parents
Ben's parents
From the brunch we went on to ECU for my School of Music departmental graduation ceremony. I was blessed to be able to sing with the vocal ensemble that provided a special piece as well as the alma mater (someone MUST do something about our horrible alma mater!). I was also given the opportunity to address the ECU School of Music Class of 2011; what a great opportunity to praise and challenge the people whom I have worked alongside for the past 4 years as students of the art of music! It was such a great feeling to hear the words I've been working for: "Sarah Joy Fortney Sparrow, Bachelor of Music in Music Therapy." Wooohooooo!!!! (the only better words that I've heard were, "I now pronounce you man and wife!"). Yes, it was an awesome day. Here are some more pics that we took after the graduation ceremony.
The whole group!
Parents again =)
Sweet friends Vicki Eyre and Betty Jo "Grandma" Jones
Sparrow Family
Happy Sparrows: we are so glad to be wrapping up the "student" phase of our life together!!! :)
My life would not be complete without these 2 crazyheads. :)
So that's our gradauation day in a nutshell. We stayed away from the University Graduation and the College of Education (Ben's) graduations, which were both 3 hrs long and we had little emotional connection to either. :) We ended the day with a great dinner at Winslow's tavern and some tea-drinking with the sisters Fortney, as well as an appropriate bedtime (we can do this all the time now -- yay!).
It was a great day indeed.
I have to say, these degrees has been a marathon for us! I have had senioritis for at least 20 months, but all of my coursework for my BM in Music Therapy is DONE, and I just have the internship in West Palm Beach to look forward to. The last 12 have been quite a feat for Ben as well; getting a Masters in 1 year is NOT for the faint of heart! He has 2 more classes this summer to finish that degree, but so far he has come through with determination, strength, a few all-nighters, and a 4.0!
Graduation day was amazing; second to our wedding day, it was probably the best day ever. We enjoyed some great family time, ate some great food, and celebrated a great milestone together. We started the party out with a brunch at Rachel's house; we ate good food and visited with sweet friends and family. I felt more relaxed than I have in a VERY long time; it was so nice to sit and drink coffee without having a laundry list of tasks sitting in the back of my brain. I also felt incredibly loved by my sister, mother, mother-in-law, and the rest of the people who were there to celebrate with us; one of the things that I have been working on recently is learning to let people love me and not feel guilty about it. I think that yesterday I was finally able to completely let go and enjoy being "waited on" and loved by my family. It was a sweet time. Here are some pics from the brunch!
My sisters, mom, and Nanny (mom's mom)
My parents
Ben's parents
From the brunch we went on to ECU for my School of Music departmental graduation ceremony. I was blessed to be able to sing with the vocal ensemble that provided a special piece as well as the alma mater (someone MUST do something about our horrible alma mater!). I was also given the opportunity to address the ECU School of Music Class of 2011; what a great opportunity to praise and challenge the people whom I have worked alongside for the past 4 years as students of the art of music! It was such a great feeling to hear the words I've been working for: "Sarah Joy Fortney Sparrow, Bachelor of Music in Music Therapy." Wooohooooo!!!! (the only better words that I've heard were, "I now pronounce you man and wife!"). Yes, it was an awesome day. Here are some more pics that we took after the graduation ceremony.
The whole group!
Parents again =)
Sweet friends Vicki Eyre and Betty Jo "Grandma" Jones
Sparrow Family
Happy Sparrows: we are so glad to be wrapping up the "student" phase of our life together!!! :)
My life would not be complete without these 2 crazyheads. :)
So that's our gradauation day in a nutshell. We stayed away from the University Graduation and the College of Education (Ben's) graduations, which were both 3 hrs long and we had little emotional connection to either. :) We ended the day with a great dinner at Winslow's tavern and some tea-drinking with the sisters Fortney, as well as an appropriate bedtime (we can do this all the time now -- yay!).
It was a great day indeed.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Honoring Our Sister Tonya
A good friend from church, Tonya Watt, passed away on Saturday, April 23, 2011. On Friday, April 22, Tonya was driving home from Washington, D.C. with her 9-year-old son Dylan when she suffered a hemorrhagic aneurysm, from which a single car collision ensued. Although her Mustang flipped over on the highway, Dylan was miraculously uninjured from the crash. Tonya was taken to the hospital with internal bleeding in her abdomen and brain. She underwent emergency surgery, but the Lord called her home soon afterwards.
This is one of those times that it just doesn't make sense. Why would God choose to take a single mother from her son? Why would He separate such an inseparable mother and son? So far, nobody has been able to satisfy themselves with an answer. I think that is because if we could understand everything, God wouldn't seem as big as He does now. One of the things that was mentioned at Tonya's funeral today was that death is one of the ways in which God reminds us that this world is not our home. When that was first brought up, I thought, "No, duh." But the more that I thought about it, I realized how true that is. Because of Tonya's death, we are reminded that this life is not all there is. That we will see her again. But also, that she is better off than we are right now. Not only is she gone from the problems of the world, but she is free from fear, from pain, and from sin. A good friend said to me this week, "You know, I almost envy her. She is face-to-face with Jesus." Another friend said on Easter, "As we celebrate what was accomplished on her behalf and mine through the Cross this Easter weekend; I get to thank Him for those scared hands while she gets to hold them." Wow.
In the moment and in our humanity, it does not and cannot completely squelch our grief. She will be missed. Tonya was such a blessing to our church and to Ben and I personally. She was always willing to help; she served others with a passion that I love and admire. My last memory of Tonya was her contribution to my senior research project on music listening and its effects on sleep quality. Without even letting me finish my request that she be one of my subjects, Tonya enthusiastically said, "Tell me what to do!" A few weeks later, after several of my subjects "fell through" on their promise to fill out the required survey for 10 days, Tonya beckoned me out to her car so I could retrieve the precious data. That's just the kind of person she was. It really makes me want to have that kind of care for people -- the kind where you don't go back on our word because you "forgot" or "were too busy." She was organized, yes, but she was first and foremost loving to people. And she loved until the very end.
We will miss our sister Tonya, but we are confident that we will see her again, when we are all basking in the beautiful presence of our Savior and singing the praises of the One who has rescued us.
This is one of those times that it just doesn't make sense. Why would God choose to take a single mother from her son? Why would He separate such an inseparable mother and son? So far, nobody has been able to satisfy themselves with an answer. I think that is because if we could understand everything, God wouldn't seem as big as He does now. One of the things that was mentioned at Tonya's funeral today was that death is one of the ways in which God reminds us that this world is not our home. When that was first brought up, I thought, "No, duh." But the more that I thought about it, I realized how true that is. Because of Tonya's death, we are reminded that this life is not all there is. That we will see her again. But also, that she is better off than we are right now. Not only is she gone from the problems of the world, but she is free from fear, from pain, and from sin. A good friend said to me this week, "You know, I almost envy her. She is face-to-face with Jesus." Another friend said on Easter, "As we celebrate what was accomplished on her behalf and mine through the Cross this Easter weekend; I get to thank Him for those scared hands while she gets to hold them." Wow.
In the moment and in our humanity, it does not and cannot completely squelch our grief. She will be missed. Tonya was such a blessing to our church and to Ben and I personally. She was always willing to help; she served others with a passion that I love and admire. My last memory of Tonya was her contribution to my senior research project on music listening and its effects on sleep quality. Without even letting me finish my request that she be one of my subjects, Tonya enthusiastically said, "Tell me what to do!" A few weeks later, after several of my subjects "fell through" on their promise to fill out the required survey for 10 days, Tonya beckoned me out to her car so I could retrieve the precious data. That's just the kind of person she was. It really makes me want to have that kind of care for people -- the kind where you don't go back on our word because you "forgot" or "were too busy." She was organized, yes, but she was first and foremost loving to people. And she loved until the very end.
We will miss our sister Tonya, but we are confident that we will see her again, when we are all basking in the beautiful presence of our Savior and singing the praises of the One who has rescued us.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Random News
Last night I returned from the North Carolina Music Therapy conference. It was a great time spent learning different approaches to the field as well as more "tricks of the trade." One session was a lead by a speech-language pathologist and a music therapist; they both brought some special creativity into working with developmental disabilities. I loved the combination of research and creativity -- definitely my kind of thing. If you're working with kids, yes, it should be fun; however, CAN YOU SUPPORT IT EMPIRICALLY? They did both, and I got a lot out of it. The second session was all about how to market yourself as a music therapist. Many of the MTs there did at least part of their work as private contracting with nursing homes, schools, and service companies for disabilities. It was cool to hear about their experiences as well as different ways to get your name out. I took notes to put on file. :)
I got home around 9:30, and Ben was as happy to have me home as I was to be there. His kiddos at school were pretty crazy because it was their last day until spring break. He relayed his final conversation with a student to whom he had given Options (detention) when they returned from break. The student was not happy with the outcome of their conversation; he was trying to make excuses and Ben calmly fielded each one. The conversation ended with Ben telling the student, "You do not have the last word. I will see you after break." and sending him on his way. I think that it must take a special person to teach middle school....maybe I'm a little biased. :)
After I got home, we spent some time catching up, then watched the Will Ferrel episode of The Office. I was pleasantly surprised. Will Ferrel did a good job integrating into the show instead of making it a totally different thing. I must say, he's going to have to work pretty hard to do anything that can stand up to Steve Carrell.
This is the best Saturday we've had that I can think of. At least it's been a while. We slept in, woke up slow, and had breakfast -- all three are uncommon for us lately! Ben made the best coffee for me as well. He doesn't even drink it but it's the perfect balance of bold and light, and I had a treat of chocolate raspberry creamer to go with it. We made plans for a yummy dinner while we sat around and I drank coffee :) and then Ben went for a run while I started on the final stages of my senior research paper. I'm not sure how I managed to do this, but I have not had to make a table in Excel for the entirety of high school or college - go figure. Now, in the final weeks of my bachelor's degree, I was faced with this very daunting task. After trying on my own (and failing) to create tables, Ben helped me make some gorgeous graphs to insert into my growing project. We alternated between spreadsheets and chicken marinade as our friends are coming over later this evening. I spent a few hours tweaking and proofing, then sent it off to a friend for critique. I will be incredibly happy to have this out of my hands. It is due Monday, so when 9:45am rolls around, I will be a very happy lady!
Tonight we have our delicious dinner to look forward to - baked chicken, green beans, and roasted potatoes, as well as brownies that Jake & Mitzi are bringing for dessert. Now to get the house cleaned up and ready for company.
It has been a fantastic weekend so far.
I got home around 9:30, and Ben was as happy to have me home as I was to be there. His kiddos at school were pretty crazy because it was their last day until spring break. He relayed his final conversation with a student to whom he had given Options (detention) when they returned from break. The student was not happy with the outcome of their conversation; he was trying to make excuses and Ben calmly fielded each one. The conversation ended with Ben telling the student, "You do not have the last word. I will see you after break." and sending him on his way. I think that it must take a special person to teach middle school....maybe I'm a little biased. :)
After I got home, we spent some time catching up, then watched the Will Ferrel episode of The Office. I was pleasantly surprised. Will Ferrel did a good job integrating into the show instead of making it a totally different thing. I must say, he's going to have to work pretty hard to do anything that can stand up to Steve Carrell.
This is the best Saturday we've had that I can think of. At least it's been a while. We slept in, woke up slow, and had breakfast -- all three are uncommon for us lately! Ben made the best coffee for me as well. He doesn't even drink it but it's the perfect balance of bold and light, and I had a treat of chocolate raspberry creamer to go with it. We made plans for a yummy dinner while we sat around and I drank coffee :) and then Ben went for a run while I started on the final stages of my senior research paper. I'm not sure how I managed to do this, but I have not had to make a table in Excel for the entirety of high school or college - go figure. Now, in the final weeks of my bachelor's degree, I was faced with this very daunting task. After trying on my own (and failing) to create tables, Ben helped me make some gorgeous graphs to insert into my growing project. We alternated between spreadsheets and chicken marinade as our friends are coming over later this evening. I spent a few hours tweaking and proofing, then sent it off to a friend for critique. I will be incredibly happy to have this out of my hands. It is due Monday, so when 9:45am rolls around, I will be a very happy lady!
Tonight we have our delicious dinner to look forward to - baked chicken, green beans, and roasted potatoes, as well as brownies that Jake & Mitzi are bringing for dessert. Now to get the house cleaned up and ready for company.
It has been a fantastic weekend so far.
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