Typing Up Loose Ends

T minus 8 days until the big adventure!

What a massive explosion of emotions has taken place in my life over the last month! I have been learning so much about trusting the Lord; I realize even more how my desire is to take control and manipulate situations into what I want them to be (which I so often do); now He has given a scenario over which I have had so little control and I had no choice but to trust and wait.

I am so terrible at waiting.

So here we are, on the verge of relocation...I have done so little to make it happen, and yet it has happened so beautifully (it is times like this where I really think God is laughing at me, with the loving, all-knowing compassion of a Father, saying, "Oh, I'm so glad it worked out too! It was getting a little dicey in the middle, but - amazing - I made it all happen ALL BY MYSELF!")

So we are a lease-signing away from an apartment. Ben has a full-time job. I was granted a stipend for my internship. We have found a church home in West Palm.....back to the discussion about mercy and grace, I am so aware of both right now.

I am also aware that all of this would have been fully accomplished without my addition of worry and stress and fear at times. But I am learning, slowly but surely.

Saying good-bye is hard, too. I suck at goodbyes. Working on that one. :)

Here's a little sneak peak at packing in the Sparrow abode:

The wall of boxes in the bedroom. I'm thinking it shouldn't get much taller....

Our TV (mercifully) kicked the bucket last week, and we decided not to replace it. The entertainment center now serves as a holding area for items waiting to both store and be stored....what a process!

The ABC Store has been the main provider of moving boxes for us. Great way to save money on sturdy boxes! We like to keep ours behind the dining room table. :)

Student of Mercy

I've been pondering the grace of God today. It started with a message at church, continued in the synaptic firings of my brain for the middle of the day, and blew up in my face with a failed attempt to locate a copy of the Daily Reflector.

I really wanted the newspaper today. I am trying to save money for my family with coupons and specials - those are good things, right? But when my desire to be a good steward morphed into pride, I found myself entitled to this opportunity. And when I couldn't get the paper, I got upset. At Ben (because he was there, not because he did anything wrong). I hate to admit what a childish tantrum I threw (it was masked by adult-isms, but it would be so prideful to use the popular "I got my feelings hurt")....I am finding that sometimes public confession is a great teacher of humility. In the meantime, sometimes others learn or find encouragement.

But I digress. I tell this story in lieu of the definitions of grace and mercy. Mercy is God delivering us from what we deserve - the punishment of hell. Grace is God giving us everything besides hell (salvation, life, air, marriage, and the list goes on and on...). So by definition, anything that I have that is not hell is God's intense grace towards me. The only thing that I deserve in and of myself is hell. Period. Everything else is a gift from our gracious God. I still feel entitled to so many things that God has given (or has not yet given) to me as good gifts intended to show Him off as the good and gracious God that he is.

Things like health. Safety. The security of good opinions from others. We all have our own lists.

If I had an accurate view of God's mercy, I would not kick, fight, and scream for the things that I thought I deserved. Now, I was raised in a Christian home, I've been going to church all my life, and I know what the Word says about my salvation. I believe that my salvation is a result of the finished work on Christ on the cross, a free gift to me because the debt was paid with His sinless life. But if really understood God's mercy, I would LIVE so much differently. My actions, decisions, and RESPONSES to the unknown would look so much different.

I would respond to pain with trust, not with anger.
I would respond to grief by throwing myself at the feet of Comfort, instead of trying to make my heart impenetrable and hard.
I would respond to mistreatment with humility, not with bitterness.
I would respond to change with an expectant heart, not with the construction of fearful walls.
I would respond to personal failure with an understanding of my identity in Christ, not with self-pity and retreat into the darkness of my own personal wounds.

And all of this stems from an inaccurate understanding of the Gospel - what Jesus came for, how I fit into the picture, where this is all going. It is for his glory. God was glorified when I was shown mercy by the lovingkindness of Jesus Christ in his sacrifice for me. He is glorified when I suffer. He is glorified when I am unable to get my comfort, the new job, or the stupid newspaper.

This is so backwards to how my heart is inclined to approach not getting what I want. But I desire to know the mercy of God in a deeper way. Each day I see even more the depravity of my heart without him, and I am inclined to pursue the understanding of my Treasure more and more. Knowledge of the mercy of God leads me to know that I am undeserving of anything good, which makes HIM the goodness of it all, therefore all the more to be worshiped. Knowledge of the grace of God leaves me in awe of His kindness toward me, the undeserving of undeserving.

More and more I realize why I need the Gospel every single day: because although I am a believer in Christ, I fail to recognize the truths of the Word that show me who I am before God. I am one who has been rescued from death, forgiven for unspeakable sins against the holiness of God, and made to stand holy before the One who could judge but instead sees Jesus when he looks at me. There is no goodness in me; I did not cause this immeasurably awesome exchange - Jesus for me - to take place. My part in the story is to glorify my God with my life...the greatest honor in the world.

10 Lessons from ECU

1. Alarm clocks do not rub your back until you wake up (like mom did).

2. "I have a three and a half-octave vocal range. My mom was a choir director. MYYYY voice teacher thinks that I will be famous some day." (this person will not graduate with a job)

3. Walking alone at night at 3am may result in rape...oh wait, I knew that already.

4. You fail to sleep, you fail a test, you fail a class....very logical progression.

5. If a prof gives you a surprisingly poor grade in yoga and then promptly peaces out of the country....there may be something shady going on.

6. ECU boys are too shy to talk to a pretty girl in class, but they don't mind telling the whole student body how they feel about her via pirate rants.

7. It is not considered popular to be a white, conservative, 21-year-old music major who is also a wife and an "overachiever" at East Carolina University.

8. If you're cool, you party. If you party, you are likely to fail classes. If you fail classes, it is possible that it will take you approximately 5.5 years to graduate. If it takes you that long, you may become depressed and party some more. Lesson: it is not cool to be cool.

9. ECU students will do anything -- and I do mean anything -- for a free t-shirt.

10. You text, you drive, you die.


.....so proud to be a pirate. :)

At Last, My [Degree] Has Come Along =)

(for the record, the title of this blog post is borrowed from Etta James)

I have to say, these degrees has been a marathon for us! I have had senioritis for at least 20 months, but all of my coursework for my BM in Music Therapy is DONE, and I just have the internship in West Palm Beach to look forward to. The last 12 have been quite a feat for Ben as well; getting a Masters in 1 year is NOT for the faint of heart! He has 2 more classes this summer to finish that degree, but so far he has come through with determination, strength, a few all-nighters, and a 4.0!

Graduation day was amazing; second to our wedding day, it was probably the best day ever. We enjoyed some great family time, ate some great food, and celebrated a great milestone together. We started the party out with a brunch at Rachel's house; we ate good food and visited with sweet friends and family. I felt more relaxed than I have in a VERY long time; it was so nice to sit and drink coffee without having a laundry list of tasks sitting in the back of my brain. I also felt incredibly loved by my sister, mother, mother-in-law, and the rest of the people who were there to celebrate with us; one of the things that I have been working on recently is learning to let people love me and not feel guilty about it. I think that yesterday I was finally able to completely let go and enjoy being "waited on" and loved by my family. It was a sweet time. Here are some pics from the brunch!

My sisters, mom, and Nanny (mom's mom)

My parents

Ben's parents

From the brunch we went on to ECU for my School of Music departmental graduation ceremony. I was blessed to be able to sing with the vocal ensemble that provided a special piece as well as the alma mater (someone MUST do something about our horrible alma mater!). I was also given the opportunity to address the ECU School of Music Class of 2011; what a great opportunity to praise and challenge the people whom I have worked alongside for the past 4 years as students of the art of music! It was such a great feeling to hear the words I've been working for: "Sarah Joy Fortney Sparrow, Bachelor of Music in Music Therapy." Wooohooooo!!!! (the only better words that I've heard were, "I now pronounce you man and wife!"). Yes, it was an awesome day. Here are some more pics that we took after the graduation ceremony.

The whole group!

Parents again =)

Sweet friends Vicki Eyre and Betty Jo "Grandma" Jones

Sparrow Family

Happy Sparrows: we are so glad to be wrapping up the "student" phase of our life together!!! :)

My life would not be complete without these 2 crazyheads. :)

So that's our gradauation day in a nutshell. We stayed away from the University Graduation and the College of Education (Ben's) graduations, which were both 3 hrs long and we had little emotional connection to either. :) We ended the day with a great dinner at Winslow's tavern and some tea-drinking with the sisters Fortney, as well as an appropriate bedtime (we can do this all the time now -- yay!).

It was a great day indeed.

Honoring Our Sister Tonya

A good friend from church, Tonya Watt, passed away on Saturday, April 23, 2011. On Friday, April 22, Tonya was driving home from Washington, D.C. with her 9-year-old son Dylan when she suffered a hemorrhagic aneurysm, from which a single car collision ensued. Although her Mustang flipped over on the highway, Dylan was miraculously uninjured from the crash. Tonya was taken to the hospital with internal bleeding in her abdomen and brain. She underwent emergency surgery, but the Lord called her home soon afterwards.

This is one of those times that it just doesn't make sense. Why would God choose to take a single mother from her son? Why would He separate such an inseparable mother and son? So far, nobody has been able to satisfy themselves with an answer. I think that is because if we could understand everything, God wouldn't seem as big as He does now. One of the things that was mentioned at Tonya's funeral today was that death is one of the ways in which God reminds us that this world is not our home. When that was first brought up, I thought, "No, duh." But the more that I thought about it, I realized how true that is. Because of Tonya's death, we are reminded that this life is not all there is. That we will see her again. But also, that she is better off than we are right now. Not only is she gone from the problems of the world, but she is free from fear, from pain, and from sin. A good friend said to me this week, "You know, I almost envy her. She is face-to-face with Jesus." Another friend said on Easter, "As we celebrate what was accomplished on her behalf and mine through the Cross this Easter weekend; I get to thank Him for those scared hands while she gets to hold them." Wow.

In the moment and in our humanity, it does not and cannot completely squelch our grief. She will be missed. Tonya was such a blessing to our church and to Ben and I personally. She was always willing to help; she served others with a passion that I love and admire. My last memory of Tonya was her contribution to my senior research project on music listening and its effects on sleep quality. Without even letting me finish my request that she be one of my subjects, Tonya enthusiastically said, "Tell me what to do!" A few weeks later, after several of my subjects "fell through" on their promise to fill out the required survey for 10 days, Tonya beckoned me out to her car so I could retrieve the precious data. That's just the kind of person she was. It really makes me want to have that kind of care for people -- the kind where you don't go back on our word because you "forgot" or "were too busy." She was organized, yes, but she was first and foremost loving to people. And she loved until the very end.

We will miss our sister Tonya, but we are confident that we will see her again, when we are all basking in the beautiful presence of our Savior and singing the praises of the One who has rescued us.

Random News

Last night I returned from the North Carolina Music Therapy conference. It was a great time spent learning different approaches to the field as well as more "tricks of the trade." One session was a lead by a speech-language pathologist and a music therapist; they both brought some special creativity into working with developmental disabilities. I loved the combination of research and creativity -- definitely my kind of thing. If you're working with kids, yes, it should be fun; however, CAN YOU SUPPORT IT EMPIRICALLY? They did both, and I got a lot out of it. The second session was all about how to market yourself as a music therapist. Many of the MTs there did at least part of their work as private contracting with nursing homes, schools, and service companies for disabilities. It was cool to hear about their experiences as well as different ways to get your name out. I took notes to put on file. :)

I got home around 9:30, and Ben was as happy to have me home as I was to be there. His kiddos at school were pretty crazy because it was their last day until spring break. He relayed his final conversation with a student to whom he had given Options (detention) when they returned from break. The student was not happy with the outcome of their conversation; he was trying to make excuses and Ben calmly fielded each one. The conversation ended with Ben telling the student, "You do not have the last word. I will see you after break." and sending him on his way. I think that it must take a special person to teach middle school....maybe I'm a little biased. :)

After I got home, we spent some time catching up, then watched the Will Ferrel episode of The Office. I was pleasantly surprised. Will Ferrel did a good job integrating into the show instead of making it a totally different thing. I must say, he's going to have to work pretty hard to do anything that can stand up to Steve Carrell.

This is the best Saturday we've had that I can think of. At least it's been a while. We slept in, woke up slow, and had breakfast -- all three are uncommon for us lately! Ben made the best coffee for me as well. He doesn't even drink it but it's the perfect balance of bold and light, and I had a treat of chocolate raspberry creamer to go with it. We made plans for a yummy dinner while we sat around and I drank coffee :) and then Ben went for a run while I started on the final stages of my senior research paper. I'm not sure how I managed to do this, but I have not had to make a table in Excel for the entirety of high school or college - go figure. Now, in the final weeks of my bachelor's degree, I was faced with this very daunting task. After trying on my own (and failing) to create tables, Ben helped me make some gorgeous graphs to insert into my growing project. We alternated between spreadsheets and chicken marinade as our friends are coming over later this evening. I spent a few hours tweaking and proofing, then sent it off to a friend for critique. I will be incredibly happy to have this out of my hands. It is due Monday, so when 9:45am rolls around, I will be a very happy lady!

Tonight we have our delicious dinner to look forward to - baked chicken, green beans, and roasted potatoes, as well as brownies that Jake & Mitzi are bringing for dessert. Now to get the house cleaned up and ready for company.

It has been a fantastic weekend so far.

Introducing.....Us! :)

Keeping a blog is something that I have always wanted to do, and we've finally done it. We decided to do it NOW as there are some changes on the horizon for us, and we wanted to find a good way to keep friends and family up-to-date on our adventures.

Our adventure together began on August 7, 2010 when we were married in Greenville, NC. The last eight months have been wild - class, part-time jobs, writing papers, keeping house together, very little sleep, homework, lots and lots of music, and learning how to love one another like Jesus loves us. In just a few short weeks we'll be walking across a platform to finalize the "student" season of our life together (Ben has a summer session still to take, but it's still so close!).

Recently, God has placed some exciting opportunities before us, and they start down south! Earlier this month, I was offered a music therapy internship at Hospice of Palm Beach County, Inc. September will mark the beginning of the final stage of my path to MT-BC (Music Therapist, Board Certified), and I look forward to the opportunities and challenges that this internship will provide! In the meantime, Ben will finish his Master of Arts in Teaching degree in June, and is currently applying for jobs in the West Palm Beach/Ft. Lauderdale area. So, long story short....

........we're almost real-life grown-ups! Here's an aerial view of our new home: